a new start, maybe?

I have been trying since time immemorial to be organized and make something out of the chaos that is my life. Testament to this is the numerous datebooks and organizers I've accumulated in the past--all filled up only a couple of months at most. I've stopped using organizers since I realized that I am just wasting good money on planners that are not helping me get organized in the least. All the phones I've used have an organizer of sorts but aside from the usual birthdays and occasional can't-let-pass happenings, they've remained mostly unused.

Since the year is fast drawing to a close, all sorts of planners and organizers once again abound in bookstores and shop counters. I never really paid any attention, but this article somehow got me interested in maybe, just maybe, giving self-organization one more chance.

Anywho, I am not getting any younger with each passing day notwithstanding my kid-at-heart outlook in life. It's high time I act even a little like my real age and be an adult in the real sense. How scary. It is gonna be a challenge, that's for sure. Just thinking up of worthy, meaningful stuff to put in those blank pages is already a big hurdle, sloth that I am.

Speaking of which, that reminds me I just finished getting evaluated at work. I admit I am not surprised to hear that my superiors expect a bit more initiative on my part as a prerequisite of my position. They were kind enough to attribute my passivity to my relative lack of experience, being new (compared to them) in this line of work. You could probably guess that I let out a BIG sigh of relief having my annual evaluation over with and getting decent marks despite my initial misgivings. Just makes me all the more jazzed up to have a new start in the coming year.

Song of the Moment

"Dark Waltz"
(Hayley Westenra)

We are the lucky ones
We shine like a thousand suns
When all of the colour runs together

I'll keep you company
In one glorious harmony
Waltzing with destiny forever

Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light

Time dances whirling past
I gaze through the looking glass
And feel just beyond my grasp is heaven

Sacred geometry
Where movement is poetry
Visions of you and me forever

Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light

Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Let the dark waltz begin
Oh let me wheel - let me spin
Let it take me again
Turning me into the light

---

[Beautiful song. Poetry as music. Classic.]

[Listen here]

getting prematurely depressed

So. I just saw the last of him this afternoon--I have no idea when we'll get together again. The thought gets me down as nothing else could. He's still in the country but I am already getting depressed. Damn.

Oh, and I've had my butt-length cut yesterday. It's now just a little past my shoulder blades. I was in a shock for quite some time after the haircut, but I'm out of my funk now.

too much blood

For as far as I could remember, I've had this fascination (almost bordering on obsession) with vampires. Yeah, even before the vampire fad brought on by Edward Cullen. It started I think with Anne Rice's Coven of the Beloveds (I totally loooove Lestat de Lioncourt), although I really can't be sure. For my English Lit book review, I used (surprise, surprise!) Bram Stoker's Dracula. And sue me for being a conformist here, but I do like the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn most especially.

You could probably guess how thrilled I was when I discovered the Vampire Wars app on Facebook. I'm not exactly addicted, but I play and I sure do love looking at all those avatars. Here's my current avatar:


Nowadays, I am hardly alone in my pursuit of the darkness, so to speak. It gets kinda annoying though, in a way. With vampire novels cropping up left and right, and even more fans/freaks lapping them up, I am just another one in an ocean of vampire freaks. What really bugs me though are those who just got on the vampire fad bandwagon just because of the Twilight Saga. Excuse me for pointing this out, but worshiping Edward Cullen does not a real vampire freak make. The lovably obnoxious yet self-deprecating Lestat still gets my vote over the more-of-a-saint-than-a-dark-creature Edward, thank you very much.

back to old school

Contrary to the usual upgrade of gadgets, I just downgraded and got myself an �ber-simple talk-and-text-and-nothing-else mobile phone in place of my also outdated Motorola V3.

Nokia 1661

There is something to be said about getting rid of clutter and I reckon it's high time I get something that is just exactly what I need, nothing more and nothing less. The flat keypad makes clickety noises when typing and it gets really annoying when you're trying to be discreet, otherwise it does the job just fine.

another development

The new Multiply panorama view is rather nifty:

Now I don't even have to go out of the Inbox (pun intended) to read everything. Currently it's available only for Premium users, but soon it will be available for everyone.

Birthday+Christmas Wishlist

Lately I've been seeing some people put up their Christmas wishlists. Got me thinking about my own list. So I put up my own, although with a little modification since my birthday's coming up first before Christmas. I call it my Birthday+Christmas Wishlist. I had some trouble putting stuff in my list. Seems my gadget lust has abated, for the moment at least. Anywho, without further ado, here's my list:

1. Apple 13-inch Macbook Pro

My old faithful Acer Aspire 5562 gave out on me a few months ago and I have had no laptop to work on since then. My photography has suffered, believe me. Okay, so I could use my mother's. But I discovered the hard way that monitor calibration is a MUST if you want to print out pictures. And in this aspect, Mac OS X does a better job with color management than good old Windows (According to a DPP mag comparison, forgot which issue that was). This is numero uno on my list, but I can wait a bit more to have the kinks ironed out of Snow Leopard OS.

2. Skullcandy Hesh (Black-White)

Oookay, so I already have a pair of SKDY headphones (G.I. Winter Camo if you're wondering) but for a totally superficial reason, I still want this particular pair. Why? Because of the design. And yeah, I'll even forgive the touches of pink in it. Haha.

3. Skullcandy Inkd (Blue)

I'm used to falling asleep to music but I haven't been doing much of that lately because the G.I.'s are humongous. I always sleep on my side and good luck sleeping in that position with the G.I. on. The Inkd oughtta do the trick. Plus, the color matches that of my wornout-but-much-beloved 2nd gen iPod nano.

4. Samsung SGH D980i

Dual SIM goodness! This is the sleekest of its kind that I've come across so far, style-wise anyway. Too bad it doesn't have Wi-Fi or 3G. But it still is a sweet piece, and sure beats toting around two separate mobiles.

5. EF Lenses for my camera

My camera is woefully lacking in accessories. 'Nuff said.

5. HIM (as usual)

So he isn't exactly a thing. But I still want him here and there's no getting around that. And you know what? I'll actually be getting my wish this year! He'll be coming home this November (not on my birthday though) and we'll be getting together after three years of being apart. We only have a coupla days at most, but that's still much, much better than nothing, don't you think? ^_^

Monday morning blues

Listening to Metallica while blogging at 7:00 on a Monday morning is not such a bad start for a week. I just finished correcting the blasted forms I revised last Friday--I was in such a hurry to get out that I made mistakes in each of the three sheets. Damn, talk about carelessness. Anywho, as I said I just made the necessary corrections and am now just waiting for the signatory to show up so I could get it back to production.

So. The start of another work week. The tedium of it makes me feel all of my twenty-three years and impending twenty-fourth birthday in a not-so-flattering way. God, I feel old. How pathetic. Hope there's something to look forward to.

we're in! =D

Four teams in a bracket. Six games. Top two winners go in. And our team is one! Weeee!

We almost didn't go in. By point system, we placed third. But we won two games out of three while the other team won just one. So we qualified by default. Three cheers for Jerson and me! =D

playing at work

Haven't updated my blog in what seems like ages.Oh well. Whatever.

Right now I'm pissed off. Lots of different things really, but mostly about work stuff and some people here. Nothing serious though, just the normal quibbles between workmates. Didn't really help that I wasn't able to sweat off some of the angst because several people borrowed my badminton racquet and I'm too nice not to lend it. Geez. Who would have thought I'd ever be saying I'm too nice, of all things?

Anywho, venting aside, I actually had a pretty okay work week. More than okay actually, since I'm actually pretty high on the energy because of all the workout I'm getting. I stopped going to the gym this week, preferring instead to play badminton--the latest craze here at work ever since the Toyota tournament a couple of weeks ago. There's an upcoming friendly tournament next week and I joined, more out of the spirit of fun than competetiveness. I partnered up with a fellow engineer from the QA section and so far we're getting along fine both on the court and off. Crazy guy. Haha.

Went to a co-worker's birthday blowout/drinking session last Wednesday. Drank like one of the goddamn guys and beat even the veteran drinkers. Needless to say, only got home the morning after and with just an hour or so of decent sleep. Surprisingly, I was sober at work and was even able to play a game or two of badminton. Stamina, anyone?

change(?)

Lately I've been thinking about finally, finally cutting my now butt-length hair. Dunno when though. Probably not in the coming days or weeks, but I'll definitely get around to it sometime before the years ends. Haha. Anywho, I've also been thinking of having it done in loose waves. Something like this:


I can actually get my hair to look like this temporarily, after it has been in a bun or braid for most of the day. But then it falls back down to its natural straight style after a few minutes, which is a bummer. Anywho, my hair looks like this when wavy:

So, what do you think?

more energy, mas happy! XD

Just discovering that I have large untapped reserves of energy. How so? For starters, I've been working for nine days straight now. Barring any illnesses or untoward incidents, I'll probably be working for thirteen days straight until Saturday. And I still work out every lunch on top of that.

Saturday night I went out with a coupla girlfriends from work. The first time I ever had a "nightlife" gimmick ever, mind. Danced away into the wee hours of the morning even though I was scheduled for work on Sunday. Haha. Was bangag as expected when I showed up for work. But an hour or so of resting at the clinic and I was well enough again to avoid being sent home by the company nurse.

Up to now I still haven't had any decent rest to speak of. I'm not exactly running on fumes, but functioning well enough to wonder where I'm getting all this energy. I'm not even taking any vitamins or supplements. Interesting.

gym rat?

Been hitting the gym at lunch for two days now. Planning to continue on until my waistline is reduced or I lose interest in the endeavor, whichever comes first. The former, hopefully. Haha. At least it's not as tedious as it sounds since all of us working out are friends one way or another.

Wish me luck on the waistline-reduction project now, will ya? ^_^

just happy, even if i have a tummyache that won't quit

So. After some days without communication, we finally had a decent conversation again earlier today. And yeah, I'm really really chuffed about it. Goddamn, I really miss the guy. I absolutely cannot wait for November, even if he'll be here only for days. Yes, days, not even weeks. But hell, that's still much much better than him not coming back at all. Haha. I soooooo love that guy. Ever reminds of my fave line in Incubus's song I Miss You:

"to know that you feel the same as i do is a three-fold utopian dream.."

Yeah, cheesy, I know. But what the hell, who isn't when madly in love? XD

Anywho, my tummy's been upset for several days now. Don't ask me why because I have no idea. I'm not eating anything out of ordinary, just the usual grub I have during mealtimes. I'm cutting back on food starting tomorrow, but only until my stomach settles. Goodness knows how long I'll last without real food.

Sunday work(?)

So. Working on a Sunday is not as bad as I thought it would be. Aside from missing out on badly needed sleep and time for an overdue project, I actually had an okay time. If the atmosphere on a Saturday is quite relaxed compared to regular working days, then Sunday is positively lethargic. There's no work pressure on the operators and over-break is a concept not particularly applicable on this day. I have been sitting here in front of the PC for the better part of the day, idly surfing the net and listening to music. Likewise my supervisor is playing Battle Realms: Winter of the Wolf on the other PC. And yeah, we all get paid extra for all of it.

Truth is I don't even know why I got scheduled for work today. Only one part number is running and aside from the looming delivery date and a few minor niggles, there's really no need for me here especially with our supervisor present. But I got scheduled for the full twelve-hour shift anyway. So there you go.

Oh, and I'm the only girl present in our section today. Well technically, there's another but she's a dyke so I guess that doesn't count. So I'm just one of the boys again today, down to the baggy six-pocket pants I'm wearing. We shared delicious hot goto and rice on our afternoon break. Kinda reminds me of the Ellfaw, my [mostly male] college barkada.

petiks sunday: HANGING BY A MOMENT

Re-post from Facebook.

-------------

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 20 friends (make me #21 so I can see your results).
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!


IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
>> the reason [mag-emote agad? haha.]

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
>> otherside [pwede]

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
>> redemption [lol]

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
>> sick cycle carousel [tumpak!]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
>> gemini [anu daw? o.O]

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
>> creep [wahaha!]

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
>> when you're gone [buhay pa ko ah!]

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
>> innocence [waw, mabait ko palang anak! XD]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
>> slow dancing in a burning room [dancing, pwede pa]

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
>> goodbye [huh?]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
>> imaginary [waaaaaaaaaaaa! totoo naman sina ktle ah! haha]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
>> don't tell me [wahaha. ayaw ipaalam?]

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
>> breathing [ai natural, mamatay ako ng maaga pag di huminga!]

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
>> love alone [naks!]

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
>> so far away [anu yun, long-distance wedding? ampf!]

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
>> fields of innocence [pwede]

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
>> the scientist [naman! aanhin ko yan?]

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
>> lunes [haha. monday sickness?]

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
>> leave out all the rest [ai gusto pala iwan lahat?]

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
>> goodbye to you [oo, gusto ko na umuwi. kaw na magtrabaho ng sunday, pag di ka naman.]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
>> honestly [honestly?]

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
>> hanging by a moment [pwede. gusto ko kantang to.]

first time

Just found out that I have work tomorrow and Sunday. And those are 12-hour shifts to boot. Geez. There really is no rest for the wicked.

Anywho, I haven't been active this past week because of a huge problem that came up. I can't divulge the details just yet, but hopefully I could before the weekend ends (redundant much?). I'll be here at work so I might as well make the most of the free online connection. Haha.

So there. All I could say right now about that problem is that it brought me closer to my parents. They are simply the best, bar none. =]

catatonic

God, I need a miracle right now. I need a new laptop, to save my mental well-being if nothing else. Damn, I hate this desperate feeling. It makes me sick. But what can I do? Help!

T_T

"How come everything I think I need always comes with batteries?"

Again, quoting John Mayer in Something's Missing.

This is getting damn depressing. My spirit's sinking with every passing day that I do not have a functioning computer to my name. I feel lost somehow, like a small boat set adrift on the deep, wide ocean. Geez. Something must be seriously wrong with me to be so affected by such things.

Whatever happened to the saying that you cannot buy happiness?

o.O

goodbye, dear friend. you'll be sorely missed.

Okay, it's absolute and irrevocably final: my laptop is history. My good mother brought it to the Acer service center yesterday and the initial diagnosis wasn't good: the innards are practically fried. Just confirmed it today, there's nothing more we can do.

Half my stuff are gonna be lost. Photographs from February of this year up to now. Ouch.

Strangely, I feel detached. Like I'm just watching a movie and it's not happening to me. A defense mechanism, I guess.

I dunno when I'll be able to replace it. Or if I ever can or will. Maybe in a year or so? I want a Mac this time [hell, anyone can dream, sue me] but good luck to me. Geez.

something to keep the drab weather from seeping to your bones =]

Dearest You,

At times you may feel that you are insignificant speck in the universe. That if you die, nobody would stop and think about you because you are worthless. You are like a single strand of grass in a massive field, not noticeable, not distinct.

At times, you may feel that everyone is against you and nobody understands. That what you think doesn't matter and what you say won't be heard. You are like broken instrument within a glorious orchestra.

At times, you may feel inadequate, never good enough, not smart enough, not attractive enough. That nobody would spare you a second glance because you're so ordinary. You are like a plain object amidst lavish treasures.

At times, you may feel hopeless, confused, heart-broken, alone. That everyone's goal is to let you down and fail you. You are like a defenseless child being picked at.

Now listen to me before you do anything you'll regret. You mean the world to me.

Everything will fall apart if you cease to exist. In a garden, you are the most beautiful flower, stealing everyone's heart, secretly wanting you. I understand you. I understand you completely. I know what you feel and you are not alone. Everything you say matter so much and everything you create is precious. You are special. You are unique. You are good enough. You are too good.

I love you. I love every side of you. I love your personality. I love your face. I love the way you laugh and the way you smile. It pains me to see you cry and it saddens me to see you sad.

So don't ever think that you're not worth anything. You are worth everything.

[I found this in one of my old notebooks written in green glitter pen. I don't even remember why I had written it. It's such a treat to read what I've written in the past. It surprises me, makes me laugh and cry. Wala lang, it made me smile. I hope it makes you feel something too. Cheers!]

gadget conspiracy

There seems to be a gadget conspiracy against me. First, there's that laptop. Now, my camera is having a hard time with Autofocus. Geez. Manual focusing still works, but that might pose a problem with focusing on the fly. Dunno if it's the lens or camera that has a problem..

Anyone, help?

brains and brawns, huh? XD

Since I won't be able to download and process my photos from Sunday's shoot, I'll be spending the rest of the night and probably the wee hours of the morning finishing Michael Crichton's Sphere. I'm more than halfway done, the rest of the pages oughtta fly. And would you believe who the book belongs to? I borrowed it from one of our production operators. No offense meant, but you don't usually find bookworms operating 100-ton press machines so you could say I was a bit surprised to find out Kuya Vergel does like to read, and Crichton's books at that. Coolness. In return, I lent him a book earlier and another one tomorrow.

goddamn thing

My freakin' laptop has yet again crashed. I am torn between pulling my hair out in frustration or chucking the damn thing to the nearby canal. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkkkk.

Banning Pornography

This is another old piece I dug up, in relation to my last post regarding the Hayden Kho scandals. If I'm not mistaken, I wrote it as a favor for Ktle who needed an "editorial" to publish on her English class newspaper project.

Pornography is but a form of temptation. Like every other form of temptation, pornography in itself is not a bad thing. However, this does not mean that it should be condoned. While that in itself is not bad, its effects are. As is stated in Encarta?s definition of pornography, it is ?films, magazines, writings, photographs, or other materials that are sexually explicit and intended to arouse sexual excitement in their audience.?

Sexual arousal begets sexual gratification. This is where the bad things start. This is the point where crimes of passion are committed: adultery, rape, sexual harassment, incest. These crimes are what alarmed the authorities and triggered the banning of the said materials.

Banning pornography is a noble idea, however, not a very practical one. First of all, sex is a part of human nature. Even if pornography no longer abounds, fact would remain that humans are sexual beings by nature. They would keep finding ways to satisfy their sexual needs, whether directly through intercourse or partially through pornography. For as long as humans have sexual drive, sex crimes would never cease.

Another thing that makes the banning of pornography not practical is the media. Nowadays in this modern world, there are myriad ways of passing along information. There?s the Internet, TV, cellphones, mobile players and other such media that could easily transmit all sorts of data from one to another. Such gadgets are vulnerable to the clutches of pornography. How many cellphones today don?t have at least one sexually explicit content media content? How many exhibitionists flaunt their wares through the Internet via webcams? These may seem like small things, often overlooked as individual perversions, but these are also forms of pornography. So even if the authorities somehow manage to eliminate porn videos and magazines, technology still provides ways for pornography to flourish.

Banning or condoning pornography has minimal effect in its power over people. Pornography is here to stay. That is one fact that everyone must deal with. While its effects spare no one, it is still up to the individual if he or she will act upon it. And that is what should worry the authorities, not the pornography.

new discovery, blogging, Hayden Kho and hypocrisy

Well. I just forgot what I was about to type when I say that there is now an option for manually setting the date and time of your blog entry. Kinda long overdue if you ask me, since this was initially the reason why I blogged in Blogger and not here in Multiply--I just made the switch out of necessity when some glitch prevented me from posting there.

So anywho. What was I supposed to write again? Hell, I can't remember. Talk about memory gap. Oh well.

Times like this, I miss my old functioning brain. Was just reading some of Patrisha's works earlier and I kinda feel envious that she could write all those good stuff while I could hardly hold a coherent thought these days. Really gotta flex some mental muscles if I don't wanna go senile at the age of thirty. Horrible thought, that is. And thirty is just when you're supposed to start the prime years of your life. Gah.

Just remembered what I was thinking before I got distracted by the time-date thing, thank God. Katrina Halili and Hayden Kho. Seriously. It's all everyone was talking about practically all day today. And the whole week, for that matter. The whole thing has everyone in a fever pitch.

Practically every female co-worker thinks Hayden is a maniac, what with the supposed(?) 41-episode sex videos that came out. I don't. I'm a feminist, yes, but I know enough about guys to realize that that many sex partners or sexual encounters for a healthy, good-looking and popular guy is nothing out out of the normal. The only thing that skews the whole picture is that fact that they were captured on video and broadcast for the whole world to see.

Privacy is a very different thing from hypocrisy. Sex is nothing new and everyone sooner or later takes part of it, so why condemn those who do it captured on video? Why condemn them for taking pleasure in doing the act? Just because the female in the video enjoys it and they don't doesn't give them the right to condemn her and label her a slut. Hypocrisy sucks.