goodbye, dear friend. you'll be sorely missed.

Okay, it's absolute and irrevocably final: my laptop is history. My good mother brought it to the Acer service center yesterday and the initial diagnosis wasn't good: the innards are practically fried. Just confirmed it today, there's nothing more we can do.

Half my stuff are gonna be lost. Photographs from February of this year up to now. Ouch.

Strangely, I feel detached. Like I'm just watching a movie and it's not happening to me. A defense mechanism, I guess.

I dunno when I'll be able to replace it. Or if I ever can or will. Maybe in a year or so? I want a Mac this time [hell, anyone can dream, sue me] but good luck to me. Geez.

something to keep the drab weather from seeping to your bones =]

Dearest You,

At times you may feel that you are insignificant speck in the universe. That if you die, nobody would stop and think about you because you are worthless. You are like a single strand of grass in a massive field, not noticeable, not distinct.

At times, you may feel that everyone is against you and nobody understands. That what you think doesn't matter and what you say won't be heard. You are like broken instrument within a glorious orchestra.

At times, you may feel inadequate, never good enough, not smart enough, not attractive enough. That nobody would spare you a second glance because you're so ordinary. You are like a plain object amidst lavish treasures.

At times, you may feel hopeless, confused, heart-broken, alone. That everyone's goal is to let you down and fail you. You are like a defenseless child being picked at.

Now listen to me before you do anything you'll regret. You mean the world to me.

Everything will fall apart if you cease to exist. In a garden, you are the most beautiful flower, stealing everyone's heart, secretly wanting you. I understand you. I understand you completely. I know what you feel and you are not alone. Everything you say matter so much and everything you create is precious. You are special. You are unique. You are good enough. You are too good.

I love you. I love every side of you. I love your personality. I love your face. I love the way you laugh and the way you smile. It pains me to see you cry and it saddens me to see you sad.

So don't ever think that you're not worth anything. You are worth everything.

[I found this in one of my old notebooks written in green glitter pen. I don't even remember why I had written it. It's such a treat to read what I've written in the past. It surprises me, makes me laugh and cry. Wala lang, it made me smile. I hope it makes you feel something too. Cheers!]

gadget conspiracy

There seems to be a gadget conspiracy against me. First, there's that laptop. Now, my camera is having a hard time with Autofocus. Geez. Manual focusing still works, but that might pose a problem with focusing on the fly. Dunno if it's the lens or camera that has a problem..

Anyone, help?

brains and brawns, huh? XD

Since I won't be able to download and process my photos from Sunday's shoot, I'll be spending the rest of the night and probably the wee hours of the morning finishing Michael Crichton's Sphere. I'm more than halfway done, the rest of the pages oughtta fly. And would you believe who the book belongs to? I borrowed it from one of our production operators. No offense meant, but you don't usually find bookworms operating 100-ton press machines so you could say I was a bit surprised to find out Kuya Vergel does like to read, and Crichton's books at that. Coolness. In return, I lent him a book earlier and another one tomorrow.

goddamn thing

My freakin' laptop has yet again crashed. I am torn between pulling my hair out in frustration or chucking the damn thing to the nearby canal. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkkkk.

Banning Pornography

This is another old piece I dug up, in relation to my last post regarding the Hayden Kho scandals. If I'm not mistaken, I wrote it as a favor for Ktle who needed an "editorial" to publish on her English class newspaper project.

Pornography is but a form of temptation. Like every other form of temptation, pornography in itself is not a bad thing. However, this does not mean that it should be condoned. While that in itself is not bad, its effects are. As is stated in Encarta?s definition of pornography, it is ?films, magazines, writings, photographs, or other materials that are sexually explicit and intended to arouse sexual excitement in their audience.?

Sexual arousal begets sexual gratification. This is where the bad things start. This is the point where crimes of passion are committed: adultery, rape, sexual harassment, incest. These crimes are what alarmed the authorities and triggered the banning of the said materials.

Banning pornography is a noble idea, however, not a very practical one. First of all, sex is a part of human nature. Even if pornography no longer abounds, fact would remain that humans are sexual beings by nature. They would keep finding ways to satisfy their sexual needs, whether directly through intercourse or partially through pornography. For as long as humans have sexual drive, sex crimes would never cease.

Another thing that makes the banning of pornography not practical is the media. Nowadays in this modern world, there are myriad ways of passing along information. There?s the Internet, TV, cellphones, mobile players and other such media that could easily transmit all sorts of data from one to another. Such gadgets are vulnerable to the clutches of pornography. How many cellphones today don?t have at least one sexually explicit content media content? How many exhibitionists flaunt their wares through the Internet via webcams? These may seem like small things, often overlooked as individual perversions, but these are also forms of pornography. So even if the authorities somehow manage to eliminate porn videos and magazines, technology still provides ways for pornography to flourish.

Banning or condoning pornography has minimal effect in its power over people. Pornography is here to stay. That is one fact that everyone must deal with. While its effects spare no one, it is still up to the individual if he or she will act upon it. And that is what should worry the authorities, not the pornography.

new discovery, blogging, Hayden Kho and hypocrisy

Well. I just forgot what I was about to type when I say that there is now an option for manually setting the date and time of your blog entry. Kinda long overdue if you ask me, since this was initially the reason why I blogged in Blogger and not here in Multiply--I just made the switch out of necessity when some glitch prevented me from posting there.

So anywho. What was I supposed to write again? Hell, I can't remember. Talk about memory gap. Oh well.

Times like this, I miss my old functioning brain. Was just reading some of Patrisha's works earlier and I kinda feel envious that she could write all those good stuff while I could hardly hold a coherent thought these days. Really gotta flex some mental muscles if I don't wanna go senile at the age of thirty. Horrible thought, that is. And thirty is just when you're supposed to start the prime years of your life. Gah.

Just remembered what I was thinking before I got distracted by the time-date thing, thank God. Katrina Halili and Hayden Kho. Seriously. It's all everyone was talking about practically all day today. And the whole week, for that matter. The whole thing has everyone in a fever pitch.

Practically every female co-worker thinks Hayden is a maniac, what with the supposed(?) 41-episode sex videos that came out. I don't. I'm a feminist, yes, but I know enough about guys to realize that that many sex partners or sexual encounters for a healthy, good-looking and popular guy is nothing out out of the normal. The only thing that skews the whole picture is that fact that they were captured on video and broadcast for the whole world to see.

Privacy is a very different thing from hypocrisy. Sex is nothing new and everyone sooner or later takes part of it, so why condemn those who do it captured on video? Why condemn them for taking pleasure in doing the act? Just because the female in the video enjoys it and they don't doesn't give them the right to condemn her and label her a slut. Hypocrisy sucks.

new girlfriend. mine, not his.

Right now I'm itching to post something--anything--but my poor brain, fried and all from all those sleepless nights, couldn't come up with anything decent to write here. Blech. That or my life is that boring these days. Geez.

Oh, right. Something good happened, I almost forgot. Tim, Franco's barkada's girlfriend. We've been corresponding for some time now, swapping stories and occassional advices about stuff. She's a great gal and we get along well, though we have yet to meet. Probably at their house blessing, since she invited me. Hopefully I'll get to meet the rest of the CCA boys too.

Speaking of Franco, I'm missing him as usual. Nothing new there. Haha. I learned some pretty nifty stuff about him in the course of my conversations with Tim. Some who-would-have-thought? stuff and some stories which just reinforce what I know about him. Basta. Haha.

licensed and all--but jobless

I jut realized the other day that inactivity breeds vitriol in my system. I suppose it's stupid that I only realized that now when it's been happening more or less my whole life, but there you go. Still better late than never, I say.

Inasmuch as I am a solitary creature by nature, being alone with my thoughts for too long starts corrupting my mind. Paranoia comes creeping in and starts insidiously twisting the multitude ideas in my head, often resulting in depression and a lot of imagined slights against me. The negativity just festers there and corrupts even the good thoughts. Not a good thing, whichever way you look at it.

It doesn't really help that I have loads and loads of free time right now. Being jobless sucks, although I do not regret my decision to resign from my last job.

I don't know about you guys, but I was raised to believe that finishing college [and passing the Board exam in my case] is my ticket to a good job and a good life after school. And after doing both... Ta-da! Reality check. Getting a decent job when you're a fresh grad is not easy. Even if you've got a professional license. More than once, I've been tempted to apply for a call center job just for the sake of having a job. No offense to those working in the BPO industry. It's just that going to all that trouble with a five-year course and a board exam and ending up with a job not using any of it is pretty hard on the ego. On that note, I would just like to clarify that my gig at Nu Skin is NOT a job and is something I'd continue doing when I get another job.

Oh well. Enough of my incoherent ramblings. Something will come along. Something always does.

And another thing, CONGRATULATIONS TO MY COUSIN KATHERINE A. DIOMAMPO FOR PASSING THE MEDICAL TECHNOLOGIST LICENSURE EXAMINATIONS SEPTEMBER 2008!

still alive

Haven't been online much these past few days. GSM/GPRS Internet connection sucks, that's why I rarely bother. Oh well.

I'm in BK right now, taking advantage of the free WiFi. To my delight, I caught him online. Rather he caught me, since I had no idea he's still up such late hour. Nevertheless, it's a good thing. Always a good thing, we talking I mean. I miss him.