fucked up night

What the fuck is wrong with this evening? Practically everything that could go wrong went wrong. I was hoping I could chat with Franco when I get home but guess what? Of all the days that the router could fuck up, it did today. And know what the most unfair thing is? My roommate is connected. And she's just a couple of feet away from me. How fucking unfair is that?

Then I couldn't register for unlimited texting. And yeah, I sent a message three times before Mama was able to receive it. Fuck. And yeah, no one's answering the number I was calling for that damn Access card. Is this a conspiracy or what?

I am so hating this evening. To top it all off, the blasted can opener won't work so I couldn't cook any of my canned goods. And yeah, there's rice on the rice cooker so I couldn't even cook the friggin' rice. Argghhh! I'm damn hungry. It looks like I might have to resort to fast food after all. As if I have extra money. Fuck.

Can anything else go wrong tonight?

so far, so good

Third day at my job and I've already read project training materials, been taught basic installation of some nifty security gadgets and observed how to do a site survey. And yeah, I now have a mobile phone line too. Not bad for the first week at a first job. Though I'm nowhere near ready for some hardball selling, I'm learning quite a lot.

My first week here at the condo is pretty much peachy keen too. The girls are nice and we get along. I'm already settled and quite comfortable too. I just gotta cut back on my online time. I'll end up raising the overhead for excess electricity if I don't. Not that I'm the only one using a computer, but as far as I could see I'm the most addicted to the Internet. Haha.

The one thing that really buggers me about all of this is that my schedule clashes with Franco's and so we couldn't chat like we used to. Shit. I don't like that. At all. I miss him, darn it. I really gotta call him one of these days.

Anywho, I'm planning to buy an I-File. It isn't necessarily a luxury, but I'm foreseeing a need for an organizer in the coming weeks. I'll be handling paperwork and such and putting them inside a slouchy hobo bag just won't do unless they're bound for the trash can. Besides, one look inside my bag and you'll be begging me to buy one. Haha.

adik adik adik adik adik adik talaga!

No shit. It's almost 12 and I'm still awake and surfing the Net. Well, I was planning to log out a couple of minutes ago but as I was closing Safari, I discovered that there's only a few minutes left before the last episode of Claymore finishes downloading.

Yeah, it's finally done! Thank goodness. Now maybe I could sleep. Insomnia be gone!

first night blues

Awww. How I envy my new roommate Marie who's been fast asleep for sometime now. Insomnia can really be the pits sometimes. Now is definitely one of those times.

Anywho, I already met two of my three roommates. There's the now sleeping Marie and Nikka [dunno if that's the right spelling] who's still probably in the living room. The third one hasn't been here since I arrived so obviously I don't know her name yet. But I met one of the two girls next room, Shiloh [again, I'm not sure if that's the right spelling].

So far, so good. I've been pretty comfortable since I arrived--eating, surfing the net and watching TV as if I were back home. I'm already quite friendly with one of the caretakers, Ate Marge. My bedside view's awesome--an aerial view of city lights.

Ah, shit. My throw pillow fell down Marie's bunk. Hope I didn't wake her up. So embarrassing if I did.

Fuck. I still couldn't sleep. What the hell is wrong with me? I've got a comfy bed and pillow, A/C and a nice warm blanket. By all standards I should already be sleeping like a friggin' log. But I'm not. I'm still wide awake as the proverbial owl. Shit.

living high

Literally. Right now I'm twenty-seven floors up. Why? I am now a bona fide condo-dwelling Makati yuppie. *lol* Just moved in today at Kingswood. And here I am now, settling in and making use of the free WiFi access.

I'll be starting work tomorrow. God, I hope I don't fuck anything up. I so want to make this--living away from home, working for the first time, having just enough resources to last me a couple weeks at most--work.

hmmm...

My job ought to be interesting. What other job along our [ECE] line of work would, as my boss said himself, "require you to think like a burglar"? Coolness.

By the way, it's official--I'll be living at the Kingswood penthouse. My parents and I went there to check out the place earlier and it was a no-brainer--on my part at least--where I'll be staying. I could tell they were quite hesitant because of the price--yeah, it made me think twice too--but in the end it really was my choice since I'll be the one living there.

One thing they really liked about it though was that it's only one ride away from the office. Actually, it's pretty accessible all in all, even when I'll be coming in from Batangas. Score one for my choice then.

Ooh, and yeah, I'll be starting Tuesday instead of Monday since our fickle-minded lady president declared it a holiday.

move, bitch!

That's it. I've decided I'll be taking that deluxe penthouse offer at kingswood rather than the cheaper regular room. It's a big risk since most of my salary would go to the rent but I'll take the chance. If I'm gonna starve, i might as well starve in an air-conditioned room with WiFi and cable TV. It's gonna be my only luxury while living in Makati, that's for sure.

It's gonna be a whole new life for me there. My parents won't be there to save my ass if I mess up, for one. For the first time, I'll really be living on my own, set adrift so to speak. The thought sends shivers of terror and excitement down my spine.


I'm gonna make it. I just know I'm gonna make it there. God help me, I can't wait to start working. Those hoity-toity people might look down on my job, but fuck them. I'm gonna make the best of it. It's a promise to myself: PLAY HARD, WORK EVEN HARDER. Right now the condo constitutes the play part, my job the work part. go figure.

palaboy

So now I'm back to square one with no place to stay while working in Makati. I was supposed to live with a couple of cousins but something came up at the last minute and I ended up left out in the cold literally. I don't really wanna talk about the circumstances involved so I'll leave it at that.

But basically I still have a big problem: where the hell am I gonna live? I've been looking practically all day on the Internet and so far have only found a few worth following up. And yeah, everything costs an arm and a leg so good luck to me finding a place to stay. Might as well look for someplace nice if I'm just gonna end up starving in it. Ha.

And speaking of starving, there's that annoying tiny little fact that practically everyone's expecting me to fail this whole job/experience. Like, what meager money I'll be earning would barely cover all my expenses, especially since I'll be working for a small, unknown company; or that I'm bound to fail my job since it's not for me to be selling anything; or that I should look for a better cookie-cutter job in some big multinational company, preferably those that require you to wear those ridiculous bunny suits.

Well, fuck them. As I told Patrisha last night, this is my life and the fuck do I care about what people say about how I live it. I want this job and I'll fight for it tooth and nail. I may be struggling now, but this won't last forever. I just know I'll emerge from this so much better off. And I will too. Damn it if I don't.

doubts

Right now I'm having doubts about the work I'll be tackling in less than two weeks' time. I wanted the challenge, that's for sure, but have I bitten off more than i could chew?

I'm seriously getting nervous at the possibility of not having any idea at all of what I'm supposed to be doing. For the first time, I'm regretting not paying attention to my electronics subjects or at least reading more about them before. It seems I've forgotten what little knowledge I acquired throughout school and review. Honestly speaking, I consider my passing the board as nothing short of a miracle considering how little I know of the whole ECE she-bang.

My only hope right now is the training I have to undergo before I actually get to start working. I learn quickly enough especially if the situation calls for it--thank God for small favors. If I could get through that, then maybe I could actually make this work. One step at a time, I'll get there sooner or later.

I really don't want to disappoint my employer who was brave enough to hire someone as inexperienced as I am. My parents too--I'd be damned if I still ask them for provisions when I'm already working for chrissakes. That would be so pathetic. And most of all, I don't want to disappoint myself. I want to prove to myself that I can hold my own in this field and be the best I could be, God help me.

from blue to purple

And so Valentines came and went. End of the story. Haha.

I got my new contacts today. This time I opted for the Amethyst color--my last was Aqua. It's not as noticeable as the aqua lenses, but that's actually a good thing. And it looks more natural too. Best thing is it's a lower grade than the previous, meaning my vision's marginally better. Three cheers for that!

just for Valentines...

So. In less than an hour it would be Valentines. Unlike a lot of people, and yet like so many other people, I'll be alone. But that is not to say that I am lonely for I'm not. far from it in fact.

Though we've had our shares of ups and downs, I'm proud to reaffirm that we're still together. And considering our present situation, going pretty strong. not an easy task, yet something we both worked on and poured a lot of effort into. A lot of sacrifices had to be made, but it's all worth it. Totally.

Who would have thought we'd come this far? We've been apart more than a year now--far longer time than those we spent together when he was still here. Everytime I think of it, I still smile and give thanks to the One Above for such a wonderful blessing. It's the one thing that keeps me going when I feel just about ready to give up.

Sure, we have a lot of differences and we disagree on most anything we get to discuss. But at the end of it all, he still supports my decisions even if he couldn't quite understand my reasons, and vice versa. Apart we're our own persons, but together it's our differences that ultimately make us stronger.

I can't stress enough how much I really love the guy. Cliched as it sounds, words really are not enough to express how I feel for him.. Through him I experienced what's it like to love someone so much that it transcended the pain, heartache and hopelessness that he himself brought upon me. For once, I truly was able to forgive and forget.

I am a fool when in love, and proud of it. Because I'm lucky enough to fall for someone who's truly worth it. And that's you, Franco Mayo.

Love you chulet.

wanted: DSLR

I so want a DSLR. You can just imagine my lust when I saw Ace--that's Dan's youngest sis--using one during Babylyn's party. Argh! It was was all I could do to keep myself from running over and borrowing it for a few dozen practice shots.

Darn. When will I ever save enough for an Eos or D40x?

walang iwanan...

I love him so. Damn.

first job!

Like hell. Who would have thought? After months of gnashing my teeth and tearing out my hair out of sheer frustation, I finally have a job!

I got hired today right after the interview. Either they badly need a new staff or they just hire the first person who came along, but I couldn't care less. The company fucking hired me! And that's all that matters to me right now.

So. The details. My position title is Customer Sales Engineer. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what I'm supposed to do--sell the company's products. Pretty absurd for an antisocial like me, ayt? But that's actually the beauty of it.

I want the job because it is a challenge in more ways than one--the first obviously because I have no prior experience in sales or in any other job anywhere. More importantly, it requires me to step out of my comfort zone. And when I say step out, I don't mean tiny little steps. Rather, long purposeful strides. To do my job effectively, I need to get over my seemingly innate antisocial tendencies and pluck the courage somewhere to convince people to buy from me. Meaning, I not only earn from the job, I also learn from it. A great deal, whichever way you look at it.

I am so looking forward to finally start training then working. Although of course, I still have to find a place to stay and accomplish all the necessary documents before I could actually start. But those are just minor details. The important thing is I now have a purpose to anchor me and keep me from drifting like before.

Thank You God.

mutual rudeness

How fucking annoying. Those "Do You Like Me?" comments people put into your Friendster pages. They oughtta be banned or something. So maepal.

So in all annoyance, I decided to discourage anyone thinking of posting another piece of horseshit like that on my page with this comment:

utang na loob...

WAG KAYO MAGPOST NG MGA "DO YOU LIKE ME?" COMMENTS DITO.

nothing personal, ayoko lang na me umeepal sa page ko.
me sarili kayo page, dun nyo na lang ipagtanong kung gusto kayo ng kung sinumang Pontio-Pilato ang mag-view ng Friendster nyo.

entiendes?

If anyone still dares, sobrang kapal na talaga ng mukha nya.

busy thoughts

Had my car's alarm system replaced earlier. The old one--and I do mean old one--gave out on me a few days before. And though we barely have any extra moolah, Mama decided to have it fixed before I go to Makati on Friday. Safety and all that--you know mothers. Not that I'm ungrateful. Hell, I'm happy as the proverbial clam with the new setup and shiny new remote controls. Haha.

Anywho, as I said before, I'm going to Makati on Friday. For what? Another interview. And what's really funny is I only applied this morning when I saw the post at JobsDB. Was I ever surprised when mere minutes later, there already was a reply--and a positive one at that. Said I "passed the first hurdel [sic]" and that I seem to be able to write well and would I like to come in for an interview this week, and afternoons would be best at that. Talk about express.

Naturally, I said yes, I'll go to the interview. Agian--as was the case with TRP--never mind that I have practically no idea how to even get there. Bloody brilliant. Sure it's just Makati and not Macau, but the bottomline is I'm not familiar with the goddamn place. But what the heck, if I managed to go to Santa Rosa and come back in one piece, I'd survive going to Makati. If all else fails, I'll just head to the nearest mall, interview be damned. Haha.

Anywho, some sort of bug is spreading amongst kids and four out of the five kids in the family got sick all within days of each other starting about two weeks ago. Three even got hospitalized. And would you believe that the last one standing healthy is the smallest and most frail kid of the five? Geez. Wonders truly never cease.

As if that's not enough, Gab [Kuya Sonny Boy's son] and Job [my hilaw-na-inaanak] are both sick too. And they aren't even here to begin with. Tsk. What the heck is happening to these kids?

On a completely unrelated note, Dan invited us--that would be the disbanded Elffaw--to his sister's debut party at the Ledge this coming Saturday. I'm definitely coming, even if Marvin's the only other one in the barkada to confirm as well. At the very least I'll have someone to talk to and not be forced to mingle with strangers--something I'm not exactly good at. There's gonna be a live band after the party so things oughtta be interesting. I mean, bands--now that's something I could really relate to, being a music lover and all. Hope they're good.

Ooh, and yeah, I'm taking the Pond's 7-Day Challenge for flawless white skin. Haha. Superficial indeed, but I figured I've got nothing to lose except acne scars. Not that I'm convinced I''l have flawless white skin after seven measly days--I'm a dreamer, not a fool, thanks you very much. But if it actually makes true on its claim, then it just might make a believer--and eventually a customer--out of of good, old, cynical me. A mean feat, if I do say so myself.

i hate it when this happens

Great. It's 2 o'clock in the morning, I still couldn't sleep and I have to wake up at 4. Just fucking great.

Maybe I shouldn't sleep at all. Lord knows I'm worse off wit just a couple ours of sleep than with none at all. Fuck.