home

Talk about [almost] instant gratification. I was just whining about not finding a hooded dress just before going to sleep earlier and now I have one. Haha. Saw it at the department store earlier and just fell in love with the damn thing. Fortunately for me, Mama liked it too [she's a big advocate of my recent turning-into-a-real-girl movement] and bought it. And some chocolates for me and Aiah too. Yum.Ü

Anywho, I'm so glad I came home before the exam. Just seeing my family eased up some of my fears. It's funny, I never appreciated my family this much before. Physical distance sometimes really does wonders for family bonds. Only now do I realize how much I really love my family.

hoodie addict

Just saw the most adorable dress at eBay. It's brown, low-cut in front [an inner blouse is a must] with pockets in front and a hood. Plus it's from TRF and the seller seems reputable enough. I truly would have bought it. I even bid for it not once, not even twice, but three friggin' times. Unfortunately for me, someone else wanted it even more badly than I do and must have set a thousand bucks maximum bid. Darn, I can't compete with that. I don't want to compete with that. For that amount, I could actually find a brand-new dress at the mall. So there you go. But I still want that dress, darn it.

Anywho, I'm going home to Batangas tomorrow. Today rather, seeing as it's already way past midnight and you get my drift, ayt? Whatever. The thing is I'm going after the Thanksgiving Mass and I'm bringing half my stuff home with me. In fact, my suitcase is packed. Actually, I'm just bringing home my dirty clothes. Haha. Though I still have plenty left to wear during my remaining days here at the house, I must say. Besides, I'll probably be bringing some of my clothes back here anyway, my yellow hoodie in particular.

As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm so digging hoodies lately. I don't even know why. Whatever. I'm pretty certain of what I'll be looking for the next time I set foot on a mall. Why are hooded dresses so damn hard to find anyway? Or am I simply looking at the wrong places? Help, anyone? I'm seriously considering rounding up all the ukay-ukays along España to look for a hooded or plaid dress, or even both.

I'm depressed.

That's all.

breakdown

My, how time flies.. In just six short days, we'll be taking the much dreaded Board exam. And then after that... Who knows? I hope with all my heart and soul that we all pass.

They say it's not the end of the world if we fail, but man, it sure feels like it. I don't even want to think about it, darn it. Just thinking about the exam itself is enough to give me the jitters without thinking of what would happen afterwards.

This--not the graduation--is the culmination of all our efforts for the last five years. Call it a baptism of fire for our careers and rest of our lives. Practically everything's at stake now. All the sleepless nights, the tears of frustration and the money spent--they all come down to those two all-important days next week. There's no turning back now.

Truth is just the tought of failure makes me want to break down and cry like a little kid and hide forevermore and never come out again ever. Of course, that's just an exaggerated and unrealistic expectation of my probable reaction to failure. But still, I know full well that failure's still an all-too-real possibility which I must consider, much as I hate to.

I'm scared shitless. I really am. I'm as scared as I ever was in my entire life. I feel like I'm gonna die, God help me. The pressure to pass is so great, especially since my three ME friends passed their Board. Faith, prayers and encouraging words from my family and friends are the only things keeping me from running screaming into the night and totally, completely losing what little's left of my sanity.

I want to pass the November 2007 ECE Licensure Exam. I want to already be a licensed engineer when I turn 22 in two weeks. I want to give something back to my parents who worked so hard for me to get this far. I don't want to disappoint them, and everyone else who believes in me, anymore. I'm praying as hard as I've ever prayed in my whole life that I, together with all my friends and classmates, all pass the Board exam. God help us all.

Amen.

song of the moment: Break Stuff [Limp Bizkit]

Its just one of those days
When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sucks
You don't really know why
But you want justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days!!

[chorus]
Its all about the he says she says bullshit
I think you better quit
Lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin with a fat lip
Its all about the he says she says bullshit
I think you better quit talkin that shit
(Punk, so come and get it)

Its just one of those days
Feelin' like a freight train
First one to complain
Leaves with a blood stain
Damn right I'm a maniac
You better watch your back
Cuz I'm fuckin' up your program
And if your stuck up
You just lucked up
Next in line to get fucked up
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
Its just one of those days!!

[chorus]

I feel like shit
My suggestion is to keep your distance cuz right now im dangerous
We've all felt like shit
And been treated like shit
All those motherfuckers that want to step up
I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break somethin' tonight...
I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break somethin' tonight...
I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break your fuckin' face tonight!!
Give me somethin' to break
Give me somethin' to break
Just give me somethin' to break
How bout your fuckin' face
I hope you know I pack a chain saw, what!!...
A chain saw, what!!...
A motherfucking chain saw, what!!...
So come and get it

[chorus]

nothing important

What can I say? It's a little before 2 AM and I'm still awake though already in bed. As usual I'm plugged into my iPod. Chad Kroeger's Hero from the Spiderman soundtrack is on. There, it just finished and the Pussycat Dolls are now crooning Stickwitu into my ears.

Truth is I don't really have anything significant enough to say to justify this post. Guess you could say I'm posting just for the sake of posting. Utter crap is what this entry is. Bah. Whatever.

I just got my period tonight. Couldn't really say it was unexpected since I've been waiting for it for about a week now. Sure took long enough to come. I swear, I'm so damn irregular I don't know when it'll come until I start getting pre-menstrual cramps. Sucks, ayt? Oh well. At least I still get some warning, albeit a somewhat painful one.

Anywho, I never quite got around to bringing my dirty clothes to the laundry shop. I should have done it last Friday but kept putting it off out of sheer laziness. So now I've got a bigger pile of dirty clothes than should have been. But on a rare stroke of productivity earlier, I washed all my underwear and a pair of shorts. Now I'm thinking maybe I'll wash some much needed clothes today and have only those I don't need yet laundered next weekend. Save myself some money too.

The Incubus song Wish You Were Here is now playing and I'm wishing Franco's here with me now. God, I really miss him. I really really miss him. I am so yearning for him, his touch, his kiss. I swear I'm gonna kiss the stuffing out of him first thing the next time I see him, whenever that may be. Probably years from now by the looks of it, but that still my plan. His too, I'm sure. Definitely something to look forward to. Haha.

So. It's already past 2 AM and I really should be going to sleep if I'm to wash my clothes before going to class. That's it for now, I guess. Sweet dreams.

happiness in a small package

For the past 24 hours I've been plugged into my iPod. Literally. I guess I missed my music that much. Such an addict. Haha.

I don't exactly know why but somehow I feel really good about myself and just about everything else when I'm plugged into my new iPod. See, that wasn't so with my old one. Weird. Just the same I'm not complaining since who doesn't want to feel good about little things, ayt?

old and new

I am so happy with the way this day turned out. Firstly, I woke up with my family since I was home for the weekend and I was able to see everyone before I left for here. I even got to kiss Aiah's chubby cheeks before she went to school.

When I got here it was raining--crazy weather, the sun was shining as well--so I dropped by St. Thomas Square first for shelter and bought my usual meal of ham and bacon rice at RBX while at it. I practically inhaled it out of sheer hunger when I got home and fell asleep shortly after, waking up just in time for the exam at PERC.

Though the exam was hard as expected, I was just relaxed as I usually am. I mean--and this is one of my strongest beliefs in life, mind you--whether I prepared [studied] hard or not, panicking during the exam itself would just do more harm than good. So I'm just like, chillax all throughout.

So anyway, I went to TriNoma right after the exam [despite my mother's warning/plea not to go there alone, I must say] to get a new iPod since my old one gave out on me last week. I was pretty much in despair over the demise of one of my favorite gadgets ever--I get so attached to them as much as I get attached to Franco, believe me--and I think that convinced Mama to let me buy a new one.

I opted to get a second generation nano [those which come in anodized aluminum casing and fruity colors] rather than a third generation model since practically the only difference is video support which I really do not need. I mean, what satisfaction would I get watching videos in a screen that small? Besides, the 4GB model of the current model only comes in silver and I've been lusting for a blue iPod ever since the mini came out and only the second gen comes in blue. So there. And the best thing is that decision saved me four grand! Whee!

To congratulate myself for that, I finally (!) got a copy of Endless Nights. Okay, okay, so I did spend some of the money I saved from the nano. Sue me.

I'm ever so glad I brought my laptop with me and that I made a backup of all the songs in my old iPod. So now I have all my old tunes back, and then some. And I'm listening to them even as I type here. I am so happy.Ü

home

Talk about [almost] instant gratification. I was just whining about not finding a hooded dress just before going to sleep earlier and now I have one. Haha. Saw it at the department store earlier and just fell in love with the damn thing. Fortunately for me, Mama liked it too [she's a big advocate of my recent turning-into-a-real-girl movement] and bought it. And some chocolates for me and Aiah too. Yum.Ü

Anywho, I'm so glad I came home before the exam. Just seeing my family eased up some of my fears. It's funny, I never appreciated my family this much before. Physical distance sometimes really does wonders for family bonds. Only now do I realize how much I really love my family.

lazy sunday

Painted my eight small toenails silver [platinum silver rather, at least according to the label] and let the two big ones remain violet. So now my feet look like the manifestation of an identity crisis. Pretty striking, though not necessarily pretty since my feet look like ginger roots in the first place. Haha. Whatever.

Anywho, Jebb and Badong spent pretty much the whole day here with John and me. It's nice being one of the guys again just like the old days, you know, just horsing around and pretty much just being complete asses and all.

And we ate a lot. Badong and I made chocolate hotcakes late in the afternoon, just about an hour or so after eating a hearty lunch. It wouldn't win any awards, but it tasted alright and we had a blast in the process, playing with the consistency of the batter and the shape of the hotcake itself.

For dinner, I reheated the remains of the adobo we had for lunch and then added some things here and there to have more sabaw. To my relief, it came out alright and Jebb even commented that it tasted really good. Seems I don't suck in the kitchen as much as I thought I did, thank God.

By the way, Mama left sometime before we ate lunch. But we went grocery shopping before she left. So now I've a more than full stock of all the things I could ever need for the coming weeks or so. She really is the best.

mother-daughter bonding

I am so happy with the way the day turned out. Mama came here and brought home-cooked adobo [yum!] with her. The we went to Trinoma after I chatted with Franco.

We each bought a skirt at Nafnaf. On a whim I decided to change into that skirt on the spot, and so I roamed the mall wearing that skirt instead of the shorts I came in with. We had fun looking at all the shoes [especially the stiletto heels] at Celine, ResToeRun, Crossings, Schu, Shoe Salon, Nine West and Zara. I'd so love to buy a pair or two if I had the money, but then the prices are as high as the heels themselves. Ouch. My only consolation is that I have practically nothing to wear them with anyway, considering the present state of my wardrobe which is dominated by black shirts and jeans.

But that's not really enough to get me down since I do love window shopping anyway. I saw a lot of cool stuff--and Endless Nights was still there at Planet X Comics, thank God. Besides, it's not like I went home empty-handed either. I somehow also managed to persuade Mama to buy me that uber-cute yellow--yes, yellow! not black--hoodie at TRF and a couple scents from Bench. And yes, a bottle of Body Shop's Satsuma Shower Gel since mine is almost empty.

Afterwards, we ate at Sbarro and I had my super favorite Chicago White deep dish pizza. And yeah, we also found a coupla collared white shirts for the board exams. All in all, I was happy as the proverbial clam.

It was a good bonding experience for the two of us even if our feet got sore from all that walking we did at the mall. We got to talk about a lot of things, and generally just chill out together. I'd love to have another mother-daughter bonding like this again.

*gasps* i'm a girl...?!

I want a dress. Yes, a dress. A real, honest-to-goodness, girly-girl kind of dress. Nothing pink though. Haha. But I still want a dress. Fuck.

rare happy time

Right now I'm happy. Why? Because:

• It's raining outside, I'm all alone in our room and listening to Hoobastank's The Reason, and I just finished my last Munch Mallows snack.
• I ran in the rain all the way here from the computer shop since I didn't have an umbrella with me. And it feels good. I miss running and playing in the rain with my cousins.
• Franco and I got to chat a little earlier, just before he went to sleep. It's sweet that he takes the time out to go online and chat with me [instead of spending that time resting or sleeping] even if he's really tired from work. God, I really love that guy!
• Us housemates had a good lunch together earlier and the cheerful vibe stayed with me up to now.
• The Reason has finished and Lauryn Hill's Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You remake is now playing and I'm reminded yet again of Franco.

Times like these are pretty rare for me. I'm glad I get to have them at all, negative person that I am. Thank God for small favors.Ü

ang bilis talaga ng panahon, ano?

So. October na. One month and one day na lang at board exam na. Ampucha. Ambilis talaga ng panahon. Parang kakasimula lang ng review kanina, tas ngayon coaching na. Whooo!

Speaking of coaching, nakakalugaw ng utak yung coaching namin kahapon ah. Mantakin mo, 4 folders yun na me tig-200 items bawat folder. Kelangan mabasa, maintindihan at masaulo mo lahat in just four friggin' hours! Pang-halimaw eh. Kainaman. Pero ako naman eh tamang reklamo lang. As usual. Basa rin naman. Hehe. Nagkasilbi ang mabilis kong pagbabasa. Sabi na nga ga at magagamit ko rin yun balang araw eh... Haha.

Mejo kakatapos lang namin mag-lunch kani-kanina sa bahay. Kanin tas me gulay sila [hindi ako nakain ng gulay] tas porkchop-dapat-pero-kinatapusan-ay-naging-adobo-na-masarap-naman. Ayus ang kain habang me background music pa at masaya ang kwentuhan at tawanan. Isa sa maraming masasayang moments sa bahay.