breakdown

My, how time flies.. In just six short days, we'll be taking the much dreaded Board exam. And then after that... Who knows? I hope with all my heart and soul that we all pass.

They say it's not the end of the world if we fail, but man, it sure feels like it. I don't even want to think about it, darn it. Just thinking about the exam itself is enough to give me the jitters without thinking of what would happen afterwards.

This--not the graduation--is the culmination of all our efforts for the last five years. Call it a baptism of fire for our careers and rest of our lives. Practically everything's at stake now. All the sleepless nights, the tears of frustration and the money spent--they all come down to those two all-important days next week. There's no turning back now.

Truth is just the tought of failure makes me want to break down and cry like a little kid and hide forevermore and never come out again ever. Of course, that's just an exaggerated and unrealistic expectation of my probable reaction to failure. But still, I know full well that failure's still an all-too-real possibility which I must consider, much as I hate to.

I'm scared shitless. I really am. I'm as scared as I ever was in my entire life. I feel like I'm gonna die, God help me. The pressure to pass is so great, especially since my three ME friends passed their Board. Faith, prayers and encouraging words from my family and friends are the only things keeping me from running screaming into the night and totally, completely losing what little's left of my sanity.

I want to pass the November 2007 ECE Licensure Exam. I want to already be a licensed engineer when I turn 22 in two weeks. I want to give something back to my parents who worked so hard for me to get this far. I don't want to disappoint them, and everyone else who believes in me, anymore. I'm praying as hard as I've ever prayed in my whole life that I, together with all my friends and classmates, all pass the Board exam. God help us all.

Amen.