approaching despair

My poor phone. Though relatively still new--I bought it just August last year--its battery is practically already breathing its dying breath. Poor thing. I can't help feeling for its sorry state even if I was the one who wore it down using it as a modem for my laptop. But what can I do? I need online connection, if not for checking my Friendster or looking for great buys in eBay, then for jobhunting online. Lord knows I've been a bum for too long now, never mind the fact that I'm a licensed engineer. It won't matter one iota if it doesn't land me even the lowliest job. How fucking pathetic.

A lot of people are already urging me to take [odd] jobs while waiting for a real career-starting job. I admit I'm getting rather tempted mostly because I wanna earn money, but I still don't think it would be beneficial in the long run. I want to start my career right with a real job suited to my qualifications. I'm humbled enough as it is not to demand high-paying jobs while I'm still in the entry level. I'm willing to start from scratch as long as I know I'll be learning if not earning a lot from the job. Is that too much to ask for?

Yeah, I guess I'm already getting desperate. As if that isn't obvious yet from my last few posts. Haha. It would have been funny if I didn't feel about six inches tall. Again, how fucking pathetic.

Darn, how am I supposed to not wallow in self pity right now? I know I vowed to be more optimistic this year and look at the brighter side of things and all that crap. But it's so hard to do when I'm stuck like this with nowhere to go, not even down. And I'm not even consoled by the fact that a lot of my classmates are still jobless too. That should tell you how bad I'm really feeling about this.

Things will get better, sooner or later. I know as much, no need to go rubbing it in my already flushed and humiliated face. It just doesn't look that soon to me. Hell, I couldn't even see this getting better. The way things are looking right now, I should probably start applying for janitorial jobs. I might have more luck getting hired. Fuck. How low could one sink?