the perks of waking up early--or not sleeping at all

So. It's a hot, sunny Monday. The bosses are not around and here I am squandering time blogging. Not that I have anything to do in the first place. Oh well.

Just returned here from Batangas early this morning. Arrived at the condo sometime before 6:00 AM so I guess you could say I have quite some time to kill before going to the office. Just to keep myself awake, I went to the pool for an early morning dip. Then had a long, leisurely bath--I even took the time to condition my hair, something I don't usually do. Afterwards I cooked myself a simple breakfast of rice and chicken nuggets--I just remebered at the last minute that I left my can opener at the office so having meat loaf or corned beef is out of the question. I ate while watching TV--I lucked out and caught a good episode of CSI: NY.

So far, so good.

The day's just beginning though. A lot could still happen. But for now, I'm okay and having a nice time.

so much for my rehearsal

So there I was in the bath this morning, thinking up and rehearsing how I'm gonna tell Sir that much as I like working in the company, I need to go because of the current situation I'm in. I even dressed [down] for a quick getaway--an antisocial black statement tee, black jeans and black flipflops--fully intending to simply meet up with In and the rest of the pack when I get out of here. And then I go to work and discover he's on the way to Thailand. Meaning I am not going anywhere. Uh, can I say intervention of fate? Or simply bad timing? Whatever.

Thing is, at least with her gone out of the office as well, everyone's generally more laid back and cheerful. And I'm really chuffed because we had pizza--Yellow Cab Manhattan Meatlovers and Garlic & Shrimp, yum!--for lunch. My stomach is happy as the proverbial clam.

being positive is exhausting for a pessimist

Right now I feel depressed, empty and lost. My thoughts are so muddled to the point that they start contradicting each other. Pride vs. practicality. Optimism vs. fear. Mind vs. the body itself.

Life is threatening to overwhelm me yet again. I feel like I'm swimming in the middle of a stormy ocean. There's nowhere to go, nowhere to turn back, only the basic instinct to survive and keep my head above the water even as waves come crashing down on me.

Once again I just want to run silently into the night and come back only when I'm already forgotten. As if that is even remotely possible.

God help me.

LBM--Looking for Better Management

LBM na rin lang at LBM ngayon, sige panindigan na at maghanap nga ng ibang trabaho. Tsk.

it's not over

So. No reaction from the superiors yesterday. I thought that was the end of it. I thought.

He talked to me this morning, clarified a couple of things from my letter. Said that I was smart and had potential, but that I needed to learn how to follow rules. He was pretty straight-forward. He even told me right out that she's angry at me. But he didn't dismiss me. So I'm still here.

But I found out from a co-worker from another department that he's considering transferring me to their department--just to get me away from her. Seems he had a talk with them last night and he asked if I could work in their department. Which is good, since I could see myself working there. And I won't be under her anymore so she won't have any hold over me.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but as I see it he's not ready to let me out of the company yet. And it's a double-edged sword. I may still be in his good graces, but that also means I'm further antagonizing her since she's one jealous mama. Haha.

SKDY lovin'

Okay, okay so I have absolutely NO discipline when it comes to my self-confessed gadget lust. I couldn't even wait until someone bought my Sennheisers and went ahead and bought those Skullcandy Smokin' Buds I was salivating over these past few days. As if I really have the extra money. Haha. But I won't dwell on that.

For now I'd just like to focus on the music--I missed having my own bubble of music since I began to use my Sennheisers less and less frequently. Indeed, those reviews of the Smokin' Buds were correct. Bass is superb in something so small. My roommates had to call my attention by waving their hands and tapping me so that must mean the noise isolating part must be working. All in all I'm rather chuffed.

And the warranty is just awesome:

Skullcandy is proud to provide the best product warranty in the industry. If this product should fail in your lifetime, we will replace it at no charge. If the product is damaged by aggressive music listeners sliding a rail, sliding down the emergency ramp of your aircraft, slammed in your locker, slammed in your car door, run over by a car, running into a wall, getting run out of town, mountain biking, road biking, sky diving, beating your boyfriend unmercifully, getting beaten down by the man, blown up in an accidental experimantation with flammable substances, or damaged in any other every day experience, it means you are living your life the way we want out products used! In these, or any other damaging events, we will replace the product for a 50% discount from retail.
Love Skullcandy.

I kid you not--I copied that verbatim from the warranty card itself. Just how friggin' cool is that?

anything but THIS!!!

Horrors!

I am so freaking out right now, I couldn't even type straight. Shit. Our office uniforms have arrived and I want to cry. Two tops are pink *shudders* and the other two are sleeveless. Like hello? The horror.

This just makes me more determined to get out of the company. I can take more of her shit since I have thick skin, but PINK?!? The thought of wearing pink strikes fear into my heart as nothing could. Shit. Shit. Shit.

*runs screaming into the bright daylight*

getting paid to squander time

Okay. It seems I'm not going anywhere--for the moment at least. I passed my letter first thing this morning--printed using the company printer no less--but got no reaction from any of them, negative or otherwise. Whatever.

So here I am still at the office, whiling away my time blogging. Haha. Pasaway talaga. But then they're not here at the moment so it's okay. Damn the surveillance cameras--even if they do have pan, tilt and zoom functions. As if they have enough time to go through them and find out exactly what I am doing on my laptop. And it's not like I'm the only one squandering time anyway. Haha.

I sooooo want to go home and sleep. I swear I was so sleepy at lunchtime that I dozed off right then and there in the carinderia where we were eating right after finishing my lunch.

Anywho, I am so hating Kuya Bobby's choice of sounds right now. Uh, Jolina Magdangal, anyone? So I'm sacrificing my phone battery and playing some music of my own. Darn.

hard-headed but learning

I will be leaving because I want to and not because I have to. And yeah, I'm talking about my job.

It's no secret in the office that she hates my guts and she's forever trying to get rid of me. She finally got her chance due to my own carelessness and pagiging pasaway. I got a memo earlier giving me 24 hours to explain why the company should not apply the appropriate sanctions--in other words, why I should not be fired.

Call me callous or heartless, but getting that memo did not evoke any strong emotion from me. Not anger, not guilt and certainly not fear. In fact, I all but shrugged it off. It just made me want to get as far away from the company as I could.

I have already written my reply to the memo, the so-called explanation why I should not get fired. And it was just exactly that--an explanation. I did not in any way grovel or beg for mercy. I guess I have way too much pride for that. Which means I only have a rather slim chance of staying with the company.

But guess what? I don't care. I was planning to leave as soon as I find another job in the first place. Yeah, I said before that I won't quit. But my leaving does not mean I'm quitting--I'm merely saving my sanity. And looking for greener pastures, so to speak.

My financial situation hasn't improved one iota with the job, and my idealism about prioritizing the experience over the money is fast vaporizing to mist. I got my head out of the clouds enough to see that I am not getting paid enough to sustain my own living. The truth stings, but it still is the truth whichever way I look at it.

Oh well. At least that's another lesson learned. Take it, charge it to experience and move on. That's all there is to it.

it's not for everyone, but it's NOT A SCAM

I am sooooo happy that I was finally able to help someone through Pharmanex. That lucky person is a friend and college classmate, May. My group introduced the company and products to her and she was thrilled because she would benefit a lot from it. Case in point: her chronic asthma. One speaker shared that using one of our products, CordyMax, helped strengthen her lungs such that a couple of months after taking it, she no longer needs to bring her inhaler when going out--something she could not afford to do before. May hopes the same would happen to her. We are all positive it will be so.

Anywho, we both had a facial care of In and a makeup session with Elmer before having a very late [second] dinner with the gang at Shakey's in Blue Wave. He made her up all sweet and nice while he made me up telenovela-antagonist-glam, if you get my drift. Said he based the makeup on our personality. Haha. We had fun, even though we both are not used to wearing makeup.

It was all in all a fun, productive day for all of us. I'm so happy I met In, Elmer, Weng, Bless and everyone else on the team. In the short time I shared with them, they had already helped me to become a better, more positive person.

In relation to this, I was reading other blog entries by various people regarding Nu Skin, Pharmanex and MLM businesses in general. Not that I am biased because I am part of it, but I find most of the negative entries and comments rather amusing and slightly misinformed. If I had a weaker will, maybe I would have gotten disheartened and just quit altogether. But then again, I could have done that first time I read those posts when I was asked to join by a [then] total stranger, no less.

You might say it was risky or stupid, joining when there's all this negative hype and feedback by all those bloggers and commenters. But believe me, I had my own share of doubts and discouragement from family, friends and Franco--in fact we even fought about it. He was adamant that it was a scam and that I was a big fool for falling into that trap. It stung, but I just held on to the thought that he just didn't want me to get into a mess I couldn't get out of instead of focusing on his words.

But the bottomline is this: I sincerely believe that the company could indeed help improve my life and those of others. That is why I took that risk. There were no promises of easy money or get-rich-quick schemes. Just like with everything else, for it to succeed, effort must be made. It is a legitimate business--its reputation is just getting tarnished by some misguided partners. Most people there are honest, hard-working people. And, contrary to popular belief, are an educated and cultured bunch. I've met doctors, accountants and engineers who gave up their jobs to work full-time for their businesses. Tell me, if you're a licensed professional earning more than decent money, would you give that up for something much less?

I am neither trying to convince nor asking anyone to believe me. I believe that you who are reading this is much too smart for that. All I want is for people to at least know my take on the whole Pharmanex/Nu Skin/MLM issue. I am a real person and this is my experience I'm talking about, not just some shit I heard from so-and-so. Think about that before jumping to any conclusions.

swak na swak

Another birthday meaning--this time from the Birthday application in Facebook:

November 10, 1985

Lucky Color:	Saffron
Personality Strengths:	Confidence, Strength
Personality Weakness(es):	Pessimism
Successful Career Path:	Fashion
Sense of Humor Style:	Campy
Adjectives to Describe You:	enterprising, daring
Also born on November 10:	Meet them now
Description: A hip non-conformist who truly stands for his/her beliefs - you are out to make a difference in this world, and you have a realistic chance of success. You have always been self-driven and derive your inspiration from those close to you. Ambitious - and why shouldn't you be - the sky is the limit for you!

practicality reigns supreme

After a lot of deliberation on earphones, headphones, practicality, what I want and what I really need, I came to the conclusion that despite how cool it looks and how good it sounds, those silver and purple Skullcandy Lowriders are simply too bulky for everyday use. Sure, my Sennheiser PX100 is also larger that your average earphones, but at least it can be folded to a manageable size and kept in its own custom hard case.

So I decided that the next best thing for me to get would be the Skullcandy Smokin' Buds:

It's small, inconspicuous [compared to the PX100 and the Lowrider] has an inline volume control and a carrying case. I've read reviews and as was the case with the Lowriders, they sound pretty damn good too. The bass is unbeatable in an in-ear type earphone. And the best thing is they cost just a little more than half the Lowriders. My only worry is if it would fit my ears comfortably and not pop out every minute or so.

I'm buying one as soon as I sell my Sennheisers. A couple of people have already shown interest, but no final deal has been reached. Hopefully, I would have sold it by the end of the month. Then I'd have a new set of cans in July and some extra moolah besides. Not bad. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

my very own LV bag--and it's authentic too =]

Scored myself a real, honest-to-goodness authentic vintage LV bag. A lilac Epi Petit Noe. Complete with the dust bag, serial number and all. Big, BIG thanks to my aunt and uncle who gave it to me. I'm too lazy to actually take a pic of it since I left my camera and phone cable in Batangas, but I found this pic on the net, which is exactly what my bag looks like, sans the tag:


Now, before you go thinking I'm a label-freak, let me make one thing clear: I got this bag for free, otherwise I never would have paid any amount of money for it. I would like to think I still have a shred of practicality left in my body. Gadgets are an expensive enough caprice as it is already, thanks very much.

G-Pass and kumpupanda!

Out of sheer impatience and annoyance at the long queue in the MRT station earlier, I impulsively bought a G-Pass. And so far it worked just fine. The small transaction fee charged by Globe is a pretty negligible trade off considering the time you save not queuing to get tickets.

Anywho, I watched Kung Fu Panda with In, Elmer, Weng, Rico and Rachel earlier at Shangri-la. Fun movie, highly recommended for kids and kids-at-heart alike. It also helped that I enjoyed their company as well, not just the movie. It's simply hard not to feel good yourself when your companions are so full of positive energy. That's why I like being with them. Anything good just seems possible.

FOR SALE: black Sennheiser PX100 Headphones

Includes the earphones and the hard case. I'm not selling this because it's defective, I just need money right now. One ear foam is missing, otherwise it is in perfect working condition. It can be replaced, I just have no time to look for extra foams.

Price: Php1800

Payment terms: COD

Meet-ups can be arranged, either in Makati or Ortigas (MegaMall). Batangas City will do too. =]

Contact number: 0916-6134416

Headphones Specs
Transducer Principle - Dynamic, open
Frequency Response - 15-27000 Hz
Nominal Impedance - 32 Ohm
Weight Wo Cable - 60 g
Characteristic Spl - 114 dB(SPL)
Ear Coupling - Supra-aural
Distortion - 0.10%

Connectors
Connector - 3.5 mm mini-stereo

dreams, lessons and an old diary entry

After that powerful speech by one of Pharmanex's top businessmen, I suddenly realized how little people I know who still have dreams. Rather, who will go out of their way to fulfill their dreams.

The truth is, though I have been with the company for less than a month, I can honestly say that I have already learned a lot. And one of the most important things I learned is that most people don't get what they want because they don't even know what they want in the first place. It may sound stupid but I've found in a lot of occasions that this is true. Asked on the spot what they would do if they had a million dollars and all the free time they could want, most do not even know what to do with either. Which is rather pathetic, contemptuous as that makes me sound.

I know what I want. I have dreams. And I have every intention of making them come true. It may take a lot of time and effort, but I have both in abundance. I'm young and in the prime of my life. I'll be damned if I let anything or anyone take my dreams away.

On a completely unrelated note, I just found the following post in my old blog. I was in the depths of depression and bitterness then. If I'm not mistaken, that was an actual entry from my old diary. Here it is:

my friend, you will never know how much damage you caused me. you made me fall, you made me love you, but in the end you let me fall anyway to the cold hard ground and caught somebody else in your arms. and left me for dead on the ground. you walked away without a backward glance, to see if i incurred any bruises, welts or broken bones. or maybe you know. you do know but are too much of a coward to face the wreck you've caused.

up to now i'm still reeling from the blows that came my way since you left. blows that came from no one else but me. from my stupidity, my gullibility, my vulnerability. i was once hurt and though i could never love again, but then you came and proved me wrong. you showered me with affection, with love, with life. you told me i could bounce back to life and helped me do exactly that. i was grateful and happy that you did. you raised me back from the dead, a feat impossible to achieve yet you managed anyway. you became my hero, my protector, my salvation.

so how was i supposed to know that you'd later be the cause of my undoing? i wish now that i've never known you, that you've never entered nor touched my life, that you've never existed in my world. but i know that's impossible. i knew you, you changed my life and now you've ruined me.

i'd like to think that someday i'd be back to normal, or esume any semblance of normalcy i once possessed, but somehow i think i'll never--i can never--go back to that. you've damaged way too big a part of me for me to pick up the broken pieces of myself and be whole again.

is there no more hope for me? i loved too much, trusted too much, left nothing for myself. and the worst thing is that all of that was for nothing. the person whom i loved so much, given so much of myself, is gone. you're gone my friend. gone and left me here all alone to deal with the mess that you left behind. the mess that's none other than me.

i hate you. i want to hate you. i want to love you. i still love you. you inspire so much emotion in me that one mention of your name sends my whole being to another dimension where the only things that exist are me, the hurt and your absence. it hurts so much. i want you to know, i want you to feel even just an inkling of what i'm going through because of you. but i know you can't. you can't because you won't. you now live in another world, a world where i don't even exist. you won't have anything more to do with me because of what i am. because i threaten your security, threaten the perfect little world you created after you left me. because you know me too much. you know how much havoc i can wreak if you let me enter your world once again. so you shut me out and leave me in the cold.

where are the promises you once made? where have the friendship and love gone? have you buried everything we shared in the back of your mind--or forgotten them all altogether? do you still know me? am i that easy to forget?

so many questions, no way to find the answers. fuck you my friend. fuck you for all that you are and for all that you've done. you will never be forgiven, much less forgotten. for as long as i live i will never forget what you did to me. you will never be in peace until i say so. in the back of your mind, in the silence of the night, in every time you stop to think and assses your life, you will think of me and remember the person you saved from misery only to drown in sorrow later on. and you will never forget. you can never forget.

clinging to the past, catching up with the present

If anyone had told me a couple of years ago that in two years' time I'd be roaming the streets of Manila from a part-time gig after midnight, I would have laughed like a hyena and called that person crazy.

But that exactly was the case earlier. From the training in Ortigas, which ended past 11:00 PM, I went back to Makati, alternating between walking, bus, walking, jeepney then walking again. Knowing I had nothing to eat back in the condo, I ended up in the 24-hour bakery nearby where I bought chocolate hopia, a couple of pan de sal and iced tea. And I just have to mention that the queue to the counter took forever, sorely testing my patience which was already wearing thin because of my growling stomach.

And speaking of my stomach, my adik roommates were still up when I got back to our room. And they just had to order pizza. And there went my meager discipline--out the window and into the smoggy night. The day I am able to resist pizza will be a monumental day, believe me. It has happened only once before, and that was only because I was so deep in depression that my appetite for everything temporarily went away.

Anywho. I just found one of my old blogs. It was bittersweet going through my past entries. I missed being the girl who wrote those very words. Where has she gone?

Friendster Horoscope for June 12, 2008

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

The Bottom Line

You've been tossing a few new ideas back and forth -- today you should pick one.

In Detail

Change is more than good for you right now -- it is absolutely necessary! You've been tossing more than a few bright and fresh new ideas back and forth in your head, and today is a great time to pick one out and start moving forward on it! It doesn't matter whether it's a new career, a fun trip somewhere, a new health regime, or just a new haircut -- moving into a new phase has never felt so right. Taking control of your life is always a good idea.

-------------

I totally agree with the last sentence: Taking control of your life is always a good idea. Control is what I've been sorely lacking in some areas of my life. So it really is a good idea to finally do something about it.

I find it amusing that I actually did something resembling taking control of my life before I even read this horoscope. The things I did earlier--generally, organizing all my haphazard bits and pieces--are actually things I've been thinking of doing for a while now but kept putting off for tomorrow or some other day. Weird or what?

i guess i hate having nothing to do after all

I didn't go to work today. Partly because I still have a hangover from the heatstroke(?) I suffered yesterday--due to the heat, I had a huge headache, leading to throwing up everything I ate for the day. And that was during office hours, mind you. Barfing on the toilet bowl while my head feels like it's gonna split into two and tears are running down my face is not an experience I'm looking forward to in the future. But enough about the disgusting details.

Mostly I was just sick of myself. This far gone in life and I still get lost in my own dreams and reality. I was feeling pretty low. Life is overwhelming me once more and I needed to touch ground before losing my sanity.

I found solace in work. Not work as in my day job, but physical work. I cleaned the clutter on my bunk, changed my bedsheets and organized my closet. After running some errands, I also dropped by Kopi Roti [in Ayala] for a cup of good, rejuvenating coffee as a small reward for myself. From there, I walked to Chino Roces. It was by no means a great distance, but the brisk walk helped to clear my mind a bit more.

One of these days--preferable when it's cloudy--I'd just go walking aimlessly around Makati. I just realized miss walking around just for the heck of it.

i need YOUR help

Just where can I buy earphone foams for my Sennheiser PX100?


I lost one of them and now I can't use the blasted thing. It's just plain awkward and rather painful too. Tsk. And besides, how can I sell it if it's missing an earphone foam?

Oh, and yeah, I am indeed selling it if anyone's interested. I bought it for Php2,700 at Abenson in SM Batangas. We can haggle about its selling price, just contact me. Aside from the missing ear foam, it's in perfect working condition. Loud volume, plenty of bass. Can be folded for easy storage, has its own hard case. Here are the specs from the Sennheiser website:

Transducer Principle Dynamic, open Frequency Response 15-27000 Hz Nominal Impedance 32 Ohm Weight Wo Cable 60 g Characteristic Spl 114 dB(SPL) Ear Coupling Supra-aural Distortion 0.10%

sacrifice, love and triumph

I gave the last of my LifePak stash to my Lola--that's my paternal grandmother. She needs it more than I do. She's 85, has had a stroke a coupla years before and is rather weak, as could be expected. I do hope it makes her feel better and stronger like it did me. To my other [maternal] grandmother, Inay Po, I gave OptimaOmega to stabilize her fluctuating blood pressure. It's the least I could do to make their lives just a bit easier.

Anywho. Another reason for loving my gladiators: I wore them for a whole day without getting blisters or hurting my feet. That may seem mundane, but to me that is a BIG deal since it's rarer than a blue moon that I find new footwear that treat my feet well. Hell, even simple flipflops give me blisters if worn too long, that's why I practically live in my Chucks, which I can wear with socks to protect my peds. That's why I'm sooooo loving those damn gladiator sandals. Haha.

On a completely unrelated note. The last time I checked, I've lost 3.3 lbs. By all standards, that may not seem much. But if you take my appetite and capacity for eating into consideration, it suddenly becomes a lot. If you don't believe me, just ask any of my friends, roommates or co-workers and they'll all tell you how much of a glutton I am. Promise. So how did I lose weight? One word: MetaboTrim. It's so good, there are absolutely no side effects. Just good, old weight loss. Need I say more?

winding down

I got my gladiator sandals yesterday and wore them to work today. And got a lot of compliments for it too, the cute thing. Haha.

Anywho. It's going to be a long weekend, what with the June 9 holiday--Independence day moved? Whatever. Like hell I care. As long as I get some extra rest, that's good enough for me. So I'm going home tomorrow after meeting with In at Ortigas.

more music please!

Oh. My. Gosh.

I just saw the most adorable earphones EVER. Hands down. Presenting...

the silver and purple Skullcandy Lowrider

Just how friggin' cool is that? It's the first gadget ever to arouse my gadget lust as of late--aside from the D-SLR cameras of course--and justifiably so. I mean, it's not just the looks and the color--even though I'm a purple freak. The tech spec is just as good:

• Speaker diameter - 40mm
• Magnet - NdFeB
• Frequency range 100 - 18,000 HZ
• Impedance 32 ohms
• Max input power 400 mW
• Cable type OFC
• Cable length 1.2 M
• Plug type 3.5mm gold plated

I've read reviews too, and even professionals from the sound-recording industry are impressed. That oughtta be good enough for little old you and me.

I am seriously considering selling my Sennheisers on eBay and getting this instead. God.

Silver... Purple... Loud music... Boomy bass...

Pass the drool bucket please.

taking LifePak in place of vegetables i don't eat

I need to sleep. No shit. Everyone does. But I'm a hopeless nocturnal who has a day job. Go figure.

Anywho, I didn't take LifePak for a couple of days--probably the reason why my system crashed this morning. Staying up all night and having to work the next day never bothered me before. I still had the energy to go up and about. But after staying up till 4:00 AM last night after a tiring day, I woke up with the sensation of my head spinning on its own. Not the best feeling I tell you. That's why I didn't go to work.

So now I learned my lesson. I'm never missing my daily dose of LifePak. Promise.

mid-year assessment

So. After a few days' hiatus, I am back. And it's already June. Time sure flies, doesn't it?

And what have I got to say for the nearly half year that has already passed?

Let's see. Let's enumerate rather:

• I got a job. In fact I'm already halfway through my contract. And hoping to get renewed.
  
• I live all by my lonesome away from home. Okay, so I do have roommates, but I still am technically alone given that I never knew any of them until I met them.
• I have not one but two part-time jobs. Although I can hardly find the time to make both work. I'm focusing on just one in the meantime.
• I've met and kept in touch with both high school and college friends.
• I've learned to appreciate my family and friends more.
  
• I'm still in an LDR with Franco. Who would have thought I had the patience or the endurance for such a thing?

Not bad. Though I still am not satisfied with all those. I still want a lot more. Like:

• Success in my full-time and part-time jobs.
• Franco. Here. Now. *lol* Okay, so maybe now is not possible. But at least he'll be coming back next year.
• Enough money to subsidize my parents. It's about time I gave back something for what I've put them through. They deserve ever-lasting happiness just for that, believe me.
• A D-SLR. Preferably a Canon EOS 40D or 450D or a Nikon D80. In time for my birthday too. Gifts would be much appreciated. ^_^
• More friends, contacts and connections. Turning into a social animal, aren't we?
• A healthier body. This I really have to work out for since I'm the anti-thesis of good health as is it right now.
• A normal body clock. Being nocturnal has its perks, but I want to be "normal" again even for just a short time. Though I definitely do NOT like direct sunlight.

I know I'm wishing for a lot. But so what? Libre lang mangarap, as Jay Contreras of Kamikazee sings. Besides, these are not just pipe dreams. I do have every intention of fulfilling each and ever one of them. God help me.