last thoughts for the year 2007

So. My last post for the year 2007. And what have I got to say?

First of all, a big THANKS to the One Above for such a fruitful year. I graduated despite my misgivings, passed the Board without a lot of effort [compared to my peers], vacationed in HK without adult supervision, got my own set of wheels. I'd be a big hypocrite not to acknowledge it otherwise.

And of course, the other more important things like having my family and friends with me. And finding Patrisha, apparently my long lost sister--we're so much alike, it's uncanny. Not to mention my long distance love affair with the the best guy in the world, Franco. Just how lucky can a girl get, all gloating aside?

But of course, it's not all roses and happy times. There were bad times too, though I've put most of them behind me now. Somehow, through it all, I managed to forget the mistakes and just remember the lesson learned from it.

And... Fuck. I want to laugh at myself right now. And I guess I should, for old times' sake. I'm so friggin' positive now I'm on the verge of an identity crisis. Part of me relishes the freedom from the angst yet another part never wants to let go of the negativity. I'm torn.

Hopefully, I'll start the new year intact, whole. Though I now have less than 24 hours to resolve my inner conflicts, I'm determined to choose one side and stick with it. And maybe, just maybe, face 2008 a better person than I am right now at 2007.

out of my comfort zone

Well, well, well. Who would have thought? The very same Nathalie Joy M. Atienza of the black-shirt-jeans-and-Chucks combo who before wouldn't be caught dead using anything that could be tagged as girly is currently in love with her black leather handbag and matching wristlet/clutch [each from a different brand though]. Wonderfully absurd.

And I'm totally loving it. Even as a kid I loved to play dress up, but only confined my adventurous outfits to the four corners of the bedroom. It's just like that now, although on a more subdued scale, and I wear them in public. Not that I'm aspiring to be the next Tessa Prieto. Thanks, but no thanks--über colorful stuff never really were my style. But I'd like to think that at this point I'm already breaking away from my own wardrobe rut and venturing out of my comfort zone in terms of clothing and accessories.

So what if I have imperfect muscular legs? That doesn't stop me from wearing skirts and shorts. And my ginger-like toes? I display them proudly in my new Havaianas--there's really nothing anyone could do about their genes, so to hell with it. And yeah, I'm not stuck to black shirts anymore. I'm proud to say I now don white and colored shirts--however, pink is still taboo. Some things would never change. Haha.

But back to the bags. I'm so loving that bag I bought in eBay. In fact, I use it practically everytime I go out--to class, to the mall, to special occasions like our oath-taking ceremony. It's feminine, yes. It's a handbag, what would you expect? But at the same time it's edgy. Black leather and metal, anyone?

And that wristlet/clutch I got earlier on sale at Girbaud. Wanna know a secret? I never would have bought it at regular price. Haha. Truth is I just saw it yesterday and fell in love with it [and it's price] so I took a deep breath, scrounged up the last of my money and returned earlier today to buy it. I am literally broke right now, thanks to that. But no matter. I'll survive. I always do.

Just roll with the punches, baby. Ha!

Franco and friends

Got not one but two pleasant suprises today in the form of Franco and his friend Patchi. I went online just to check my email and Friendster, surf a bit and maybe find a little something for myself on eBay. Since Franco would be working [on Christmas day no less, what an guy] I wasn't expecting to chat with him.

However, what I totally didn't expect was the nice conversation I had with Patchi. I was pleasantly suprised when he greeted me a merry Christmas on YM since we aren't exactly that close. From there we got to talk a bit about Christmas and family and stuff like that. I didn't really expect him to open up so quickly but just the same I'm glad I got along well with one of Franco's friends.

The other more pleasant suprise was Franco himself. He went online just as I was about to leave. Obviously he just got home from work. It's really sweet that he still took the time to chat even if he's really wiped out from work, has a headache and is on the verge of being sick. Awww. I really love that guy. Too bad he still has work today. I really hope he does feel better in the morning.

Still on the subject of Franco's friends, I saw Kiko [one of his high school barkadas] at Starbucks. Zar, a former classmate, was with him as well as a couple of guys I don't recognize. I didn't even know they were friends. But then again, I never really knew either of them that well in the first place. Oh well.

not having a broadband connection sure sucks

I never got to post my Christmas wish list. Tsk. Oh well. There's always next Christmas.

Christmas blues

So. A very merry Christmas to you too.

It's almost 2 o'clock of Christmas morn, my tummy sorta hurts from gorging on a humongous slice of chocolate Sansrival [which I couldn't finish anyway] and I'm the only one still awake in the house. Simply fantabulous. Except for that cake which I bought especially for the occasion, there really seems to be nothing else that would indicate that this is a special day.

Maybe they're right when they say that Christmas is for the children. I remember I used to be so thrilled whenever it's Christmastime, a feeling which gradually diminished with each passing of the year. This is probably the fourth or fifth Christmas I've questioned why that is so. And no, I still don't have any answer this year.

Maybe I've become too jaded, too much of a cynic, my mind cluttered up with useless ideals and unreachable expectations of what Christmas really should be. I don't know. All I know is somewhere in the passage of time, the magic of Christmas faded away. Sad. But it's something I couldn't deny.

update lang [as if me nag-aabang nga]

After being relatively quiet online for more than a week now, I must say it's high time I updated this journal. Not that anyone really reads my bitchings here, but I just want to update it just the same. But enough of the crap.

Right now I'm enrolled at ABCC for AutoCAD I. We started last Monday. So far I'm doing good and still a step or two ahead of most of my classmates, all bragging aside. Which reminds me, three people I know are also in my class: KJ, Diola and Jobet. Small world indeed.

Anywho, it was street foods galore for me after class earlier. I bought and ate isaw and calamares from the stalls near the plaza. There's something to be said about them being unhealthy and all, but what the heck, they taste so damn good! In fact, I see a possible afternoon habit forming. Haha.

Ooh, and yeah. My car now has a name: Mutya. Don't even bother asking me where I got the name since I'm not even sure myself. But it sounds just right and so it's stuck.

And speaking of the car, I've also gotten it a personalized sticker at the back. Big suprise, it reads blackshirt13 with a figure of Lust [my fave female animé character] in between the words. Special thanks to Yelic for the design--man, you're super!

So what else have I got to say? Yeah, seems the blowout season has ended with Raymond's bash last Sunday. But Nhoey said he might still have a blowout party next year, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Hmmm... Seems I've run out of things to say. Might as well call it a night. Morning rather, since it's already past 1:00 am. Whatever. And yeah, sweet dreams to you too.

back to the Philippines

Back to reality. Tsk.

Hong Kong was GREAT! I had so much fun. Four days are definitely not enough to enjoy everything it has to offer. Wish I could go back again. Haha.

Will be posting our trip pix later.

I LOVE Hong Kong!

name schname

Had all my nails painted black once again. Unfortunately, two are already chipped. Tsk. At least, it's only the tips, nothing I can't fix by myself.

Anywho, we had the car blessed earlier. Christened, you could say, although I have yet to settle on what to call it. Haha. Both my cousins gave their cars names so out of tradition I'm gonna name mine too--I just don't know what, at least not yet.

I definitely don't want to name it after its color--Ate Eds already did it, naming her car Pula. Besides which, that is just too unimaginative [sorry Ate Eds]. Haha. I'm thinking Blackshirt after my online persona, but it's quite a mouthful and reducing it to its initials BS could have people misinterpret it as BullShit instead of BlackShirt. Not exactly a very good thing. So I'm stuck. Help anyone?

ooh...

So. I now have a car I can truly call my own. Like, the deed of sale is in my name even though it wasn't entirely my money that was paid for it--my parents chipped in a considerable amount, big suprise. But it still is mine, no questions asked.

All in all, it doesn't look too bad. In fact, its looks belie its weaknesses. For one, it's not fully powered. Steering on tight spots is literally a painful affair since the steering wheel seems to be an arm exercising machine disguised as a steering wheel--I had an easier time steering the jeep before, no kidding. Oh, and the window has to be rolled down too. And the condensed moisture on the headlamps dims the light--kinda dangerous for nighttime driving.

But it's not all bad. One thing that really earned my kudos is the air conditioning system--it chilled the inside of the car even at the lowest setting. On full blast, it was like having an electric fan blowing Arctic air at you. Simply glorious. And the sound system--though not exactly top of the line--is still working. In fact, I was able to use my iPod with a casette adapter on the first try. That's good enough for me for the moment.

Ooh, and yeah, it's not a gasoline guzzler. Big big plus, especially since I don't have the moolah to juice it up every other day. I drove around a lot today, but the fuel gauge didn't show any significant decrease whatsoever.

Okay, so my new [old] car is a bag of mixed blessings. But it's still a blessing nevertheless. So I'm just gonna thank God for it and take it as my own and take good care of it.

ruminations on a sleepless night

Okay, I accept it. I probably won't be able to sleep for another hour or so. Even though it's way past two in the morning and it's cold--perfect setting for a nice, deep sleep. Bummer.

Anywho, I'm thinking to myself how lucky I am that though I don't have everything I want, I still have quite a lot. Not that I'm gloating, mind you. Just taking the time out to count my blessings.

For someone who doesn't eat veggies and lives a generally not-so-healthy lifestyle, I'm quite well and healthy. I have both my parents with me, plus the rest of the clan is just walking distance away. I have quite a number of good friends and two best friends I wouldn't trade for anyone else in the world. And I have Franco, who's all that I could ever ask for in a guy and more.

All in all, I'm blessed. I have always been, I just never was appreciative enough to realize it until now. My life's not perfect and neither am I, but that's okay. I like it that way. Flaws and mistakes color my world. Negativity always was, still is and will always be part of me, but I'd like to think I have enough sense now not to let it get the better of me--at least not always.

i shouldn't be getting stressed about this, ayt?

Hmmm... I think I'm getting a just a wee bit stressed about our upcoming trip. I've been searching and researching for several days now and I could not finalize a viable itinerary for our free time. Or the lack thereof, rather. It's frustrating not knowing the exact itinerary included in the blasted travel package so I could plan our free time accordingly. So many places to go, so little time.

Besides which, I'm practically on a shoestring budget so I'm torn between going for the cheap but chic stuff in the stalls and markets and the [sorta] high-end stuff which are supposedly more affordable there. I want to get something nice for my parents, for one. And it goes without saying that I want something nice for myself too. Duh.

so fucking happy! =)

Just finished chatting with Franco. For more thaln three hours. It probably consumed all but a few pesos of my load, but it doesn't matter. It was worth every friggin' cent. I so fucking love that guy!

my butt hurts...

...from sitting for too long. And my eyes too for that matter, since I've been staring at the computer screen for several hours already. I am such an addict. Tsk.

Used my new bag today, the one I got from eBay. To tell you the truth I only really appreciated the thing after using it. I mean, it's pretty and all, but I don't really use gurlaloo bags when going to the mall. I don't use gurlaloo bags, period. Just today. Though from the looks of it, I'll be using it more often. I love the darn thing now. =)

hindi lang ako ang adik

How cool is that that Franco also stayed at the hotel we'll be staying in when we got to HK? I was able to ask him earlier about his trip there a coupla years ago. He even gave me some pointers about what to do when we get there. Coolness.

I'm really glad I was able to chat with him today. It's rare that his crazy work schedule permits us to have some quality time. Tsk. He really should start looking for another, better job. Preferable one which won't wring him dry to the last drop. Sooner or later he's gotta realize that he's not invincible--he fucking needs to rest like the rest of us normally functioning humans do. What a guy.

excess baggage and inscrutable minds

Got the Mango bag earlier. Bummer I had to pick it up from JRS Express in Lemery instead of it being delivered straight to my doorstep like with Air21. But aside from that gripe, I'm pretty much satisfied with the bag itself. It's made of soft black leather with simple lines and nice details on the handles. Lovely.

Speaking of bags, Mama won the two bags she [I] was bidding on. One was pretty easy since there were no other bidders--I was able to convince the seller to end the auction early. However, I had to fight for the other, literally to the last minute. Seems someone else wanted the bag just as badly as my mother does, and posted a steep maximum bid. In the end I was able to beat her by a few pesos. Haha.

Anywho, I'm pretty excited about our trip. I went online and checked out the hotel we'll be staying in while there, and it looked pretty decent, if not downright classy. There's even a shuttle service for going downtown. We could check out the Temple Street Night Market without having to worry about how to get back to the hotel. Convenient indeed.

I don't even have to worry about the food. I mean, I vowed I'd try not to be so finicky and eat the local dishes, but if worst comes to worst and all they serve are veggies--though I doubt it--there's a McDonald's just a turn of a corner from the hotel. Potential lifesaver for a picky eater like me!

I have to remember to ask Franco about the food and the shopping and just about everything else since he's been there before. Pester him, more like, since he isn't exactly the type who'd launch into the whole story at the first question. Haha. Whatever. He's sure to kid me about it one way or another, but I'll get the truth out of him. He didn't call me Kulet for nothing after all. Ha.

Speaking of him, for the life of me I just could not get why he's so hell-bent on earning money. Scratch that, everyone wants to have money. What I meant was, why he still keeps working and working and working to the point of burning himself out. He constantly bitches about the stress from work, yet he actually seemed incredulous when I suggested he take a breather. Like, hello?

Still, inscrutable as his mind is sometimes, fact remains I love him, no questions asked. Is he lucky, or is he lucky? Haha.

online shopping addict

Bought another item from eBay. This time a black leather shoulder bag from Mango. I am now seriously addicted to online shopping, God help me. But it's so so hard to resist the temptation of oh-so-affordable designer stuff which I wouldn't dare buy in retail stores. Tsk.

Even Mama is now hooked. So far she's bought two tops and is currently bidding [using my account of course] on not one, but two bags at the same time. Talk about addiction. I guess it runs in the family after all. Harhar.

There, the seller of the Mango bag just texted me her payment details. Turns out she's just from Lipa and so shaved twenty pesos off the shipping fee. Not a lot, but still money saved. Haha.

Speaking of moolah, I gotta start looking for a job soon. My parents' good graces for my passing the board can only last for so long. Call me ambitious but I already want to work abroad even if I have no work experience yet here in the Philippines. It may be a long shot, but the potential payoff could mean the difference between a standstill career here and a better life. I'd take the chance.

Right now I'm setting my sights on Singapore since Electronics Engineers are pretty much in demand there and more than a few people are dishing out advice on how to get me started there. That, and the fact that I actually do want to go there in the first place. And I will too, just you wait.

we're going to hong kong!

Wheeeee!

I. Am. So. Happy.

We'll be leaving on December 4 and we'll be staying there for four days and three nights. We'll be returning on December 8. Too bad I'll be missing on Robert and Janjan's blowouts, but that can't be helped.

Oh well. You can't have everything.

But I'm still friggin' going to Hong Kong! Whaaaaaah!

excited [hope i'm not jinxing myself]

So. Looks like our trip to Hong Kong is really pushing through. We've booked travel arrangements with the agency earlier and bought suitcases. Talk about being excited. Haha. My two cousins and I have been going back and forth with the idea of traveling for a couple of weeks now but only managed to really agree to go some days before, when we got our passports.

Of course, the biggest consideration--obstacle, rather--is the expense. The whole trip, including the pocket money, could easily cost each of the three of us thirty friggin' grand. That's a whole lot of money for us regular folks. But God, and our families, must really love us that much to shell out the moolah for our trip. Sweet.

And I am so excited about that trip since it would be my first time to go out of the country. Same goes for both of my cousins. We're really really looking forward to it, especially since we'll be going to HK Disneyland. That ought to be a lot of fun. Whee! Not to mention the shopping. Oh my God, I am so looking forward to that, clotheshorse that I am.

Anywho, the agency's supposed to fax us the details like the final cost and itinerary by Friday. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the final cost would not deviate too much from the initial quote unless of course it goes way down, which is highly unlikely anyway. Otherwise, the parental units could back out and withdraw the vital financial support--which means we'll be going nowhere. Ouch.

adik talaga

I'm okay now. I've talked to him. Just about ate up all my cellphone credits, but that is but a small price to pay for my sanity and peace of mind. Hehe. I am so friggin' in love with that guy.

hate this

I am getting damn pissed off. It's been more than a week since he last went online and chatted with me. I'm getting antsy due to our lack of communication lately. And he isn't online again today. Fuck. What the hell's the problem this time? Fuck.

MAGPARAMDAM KA NGA CARLO FRANCISCO MAYO!

something's missing...

I am still depressed. Maybe because I'm missing Franco so much. It feels like like ages since we last had any contact and it's driving me nuts just missing him so. Darn it, why does he have to have such an effect on me?

I should be happy. In fact there are a lot of reasons for me to be happy. I'm relatively healthy [except for a mild hoarseness of my voice, not that big a deal] and so are my family and friends. I passed the Board exam. I just ate pizza with my two best friends earlier--that alone should leave me high and happy for at least half a day, but did not work this time.

But I still feel rotten. Fuck.

the ordeal is over, thank God.

And so I passed the Board exam. I am now an engineer, albeit not yet a licensed one as I have yet to file for my license at PRC. But never mind. I still passed the blasted exams and that's it.

But after the euphoria of the last few days has passed, I am once again left with my angst and depression. I don't even know why. I am happy that I passed, yes, but still I feel empty inside. Fuck. I guess you really can't have your cake and eat it too, cliched as that sounds.

baha!

Oh. My. God.

Since when did Batangas City become a river city? I was definitely shocked when on the way here, I saw all running water on the streets. Especially along the way from Lawas to Hilltop. It was not this bad the last time I was here and it was raining. What the hell happened?

it is finished.

So. The much-dreaded Board exam has come and gone. After five or so months of studying [or cramming, as is in my case], agonizing, and generally going crazy with worry, we are now left with nothing but even more worry, agony , apprehension, boredom and a thousand other not-so-good things while we wait for the results to come in, probably sometime this week. Fuck. There really is no rest for the wicked, ayt?

As for me, I definitely do not want to spend my time sulking--or heaven forbid, crying--while waiting for the news that could only be either I pass or I fail. Darn, I'll go stark raving mad [not that I'm perfectly sane in the first place, but you get my drift] if I think any more about the blasted exam. Suffice it to say that at the very least, every one of us had a hard time, especially with the GeAs exam. That was definitely a killer exam, if there ever was one. Tsk.

Call it a state of denial, but I really just wanna pretend that nothing really happened, that I didn't take the exam, and that I just stayed here in Manila for a vacation of sorts with my classmates. I'm shutting everything that has to do with the Board out. I'm returning to my safety bubble of dreams and sweet delusions. Fuck reality.

home

Talk about [almost] instant gratification. I was just whining about not finding a hooded dress just before going to sleep earlier and now I have one. Haha. Saw it at the department store earlier and just fell in love with the damn thing. Fortunately for me, Mama liked it too [she's a big advocate of my recent turning-into-a-real-girl movement] and bought it. And some chocolates for me and Aiah too. Yum.Ü

Anywho, I'm so glad I came home before the exam. Just seeing my family eased up some of my fears. It's funny, I never appreciated my family this much before. Physical distance sometimes really does wonders for family bonds. Only now do I realize how much I really love my family.

hoodie addict

Just saw the most adorable dress at eBay. It's brown, low-cut in front [an inner blouse is a must] with pockets in front and a hood. Plus it's from TRF and the seller seems reputable enough. I truly would have bought it. I even bid for it not once, not even twice, but three friggin' times. Unfortunately for me, someone else wanted it even more badly than I do and must have set a thousand bucks maximum bid. Darn, I can't compete with that. I don't want to compete with that. For that amount, I could actually find a brand-new dress at the mall. So there you go. But I still want that dress, darn it.

Anywho, I'm going home to Batangas tomorrow. Today rather, seeing as it's already way past midnight and you get my drift, ayt? Whatever. The thing is I'm going after the Thanksgiving Mass and I'm bringing half my stuff home with me. In fact, my suitcase is packed. Actually, I'm just bringing home my dirty clothes. Haha. Though I still have plenty left to wear during my remaining days here at the house, I must say. Besides, I'll probably be bringing some of my clothes back here anyway, my yellow hoodie in particular.

As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm so digging hoodies lately. I don't even know why. Whatever. I'm pretty certain of what I'll be looking for the next time I set foot on a mall. Why are hooded dresses so damn hard to find anyway? Or am I simply looking at the wrong places? Help, anyone? I'm seriously considering rounding up all the ukay-ukays along España to look for a hooded or plaid dress, or even both.

I'm depressed.

That's all.

breakdown

My, how time flies.. In just six short days, we'll be taking the much dreaded Board exam. And then after that... Who knows? I hope with all my heart and soul that we all pass.

They say it's not the end of the world if we fail, but man, it sure feels like it. I don't even want to think about it, darn it. Just thinking about the exam itself is enough to give me the jitters without thinking of what would happen afterwards.

This--not the graduation--is the culmination of all our efforts for the last five years. Call it a baptism of fire for our careers and rest of our lives. Practically everything's at stake now. All the sleepless nights, the tears of frustration and the money spent--they all come down to those two all-important days next week. There's no turning back now.

Truth is just the tought of failure makes me want to break down and cry like a little kid and hide forevermore and never come out again ever. Of course, that's just an exaggerated and unrealistic expectation of my probable reaction to failure. But still, I know full well that failure's still an all-too-real possibility which I must consider, much as I hate to.

I'm scared shitless. I really am. I'm as scared as I ever was in my entire life. I feel like I'm gonna die, God help me. The pressure to pass is so great, especially since my three ME friends passed their Board. Faith, prayers and encouraging words from my family and friends are the only things keeping me from running screaming into the night and totally, completely losing what little's left of my sanity.

I want to pass the November 2007 ECE Licensure Exam. I want to already be a licensed engineer when I turn 22 in two weeks. I want to give something back to my parents who worked so hard for me to get this far. I don't want to disappoint them, and everyone else who believes in me, anymore. I'm praying as hard as I've ever prayed in my whole life that I, together with all my friends and classmates, all pass the Board exam. God help us all.

Amen.

song of the moment: Break Stuff [Limp Bizkit]

Its just one of those days
When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sucks
You don't really know why
But you want justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days!!

[chorus]
Its all about the he says she says bullshit
I think you better quit
Lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin with a fat lip
Its all about the he says she says bullshit
I think you better quit talkin that shit
(Punk, so come and get it)

Its just one of those days
Feelin' like a freight train
First one to complain
Leaves with a blood stain
Damn right I'm a maniac
You better watch your back
Cuz I'm fuckin' up your program
And if your stuck up
You just lucked up
Next in line to get fucked up
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
Its just one of those days!!

[chorus]

I feel like shit
My suggestion is to keep your distance cuz right now im dangerous
We've all felt like shit
And been treated like shit
All those motherfuckers that want to step up
I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break somethin' tonight...
I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break somethin' tonight...
I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break your fuckin' face tonight!!
Give me somethin' to break
Give me somethin' to break
Just give me somethin' to break
How bout your fuckin' face
I hope you know I pack a chain saw, what!!...
A chain saw, what!!...
A motherfucking chain saw, what!!...
So come and get it

[chorus]

nothing important

What can I say? It's a little before 2 AM and I'm still awake though already in bed. As usual I'm plugged into my iPod. Chad Kroeger's Hero from the Spiderman soundtrack is on. There, it just finished and the Pussycat Dolls are now crooning Stickwitu into my ears.

Truth is I don't really have anything significant enough to say to justify this post. Guess you could say I'm posting just for the sake of posting. Utter crap is what this entry is. Bah. Whatever.

I just got my period tonight. Couldn't really say it was unexpected since I've been waiting for it for about a week now. Sure took long enough to come. I swear, I'm so damn irregular I don't know when it'll come until I start getting pre-menstrual cramps. Sucks, ayt? Oh well. At least I still get some warning, albeit a somewhat painful one.

Anywho, I never quite got around to bringing my dirty clothes to the laundry shop. I should have done it last Friday but kept putting it off out of sheer laziness. So now I've got a bigger pile of dirty clothes than should have been. But on a rare stroke of productivity earlier, I washed all my underwear and a pair of shorts. Now I'm thinking maybe I'll wash some much needed clothes today and have only those I don't need yet laundered next weekend. Save myself some money too.

The Incubus song Wish You Were Here is now playing and I'm wishing Franco's here with me now. God, I really miss him. I really really miss him. I am so yearning for him, his touch, his kiss. I swear I'm gonna kiss the stuffing out of him first thing the next time I see him, whenever that may be. Probably years from now by the looks of it, but that still my plan. His too, I'm sure. Definitely something to look forward to. Haha.

So. It's already past 2 AM and I really should be going to sleep if I'm to wash my clothes before going to class. That's it for now, I guess. Sweet dreams.

happiness in a small package

For the past 24 hours I've been plugged into my iPod. Literally. I guess I missed my music that much. Such an addict. Haha.

I don't exactly know why but somehow I feel really good about myself and just about everything else when I'm plugged into my new iPod. See, that wasn't so with my old one. Weird. Just the same I'm not complaining since who doesn't want to feel good about little things, ayt?

old and new

I am so happy with the way this day turned out. Firstly, I woke up with my family since I was home for the weekend and I was able to see everyone before I left for here. I even got to kiss Aiah's chubby cheeks before she went to school.

When I got here it was raining--crazy weather, the sun was shining as well--so I dropped by St. Thomas Square first for shelter and bought my usual meal of ham and bacon rice at RBX while at it. I practically inhaled it out of sheer hunger when I got home and fell asleep shortly after, waking up just in time for the exam at PERC.

Though the exam was hard as expected, I was just relaxed as I usually am. I mean--and this is one of my strongest beliefs in life, mind you--whether I prepared [studied] hard or not, panicking during the exam itself would just do more harm than good. So I'm just like, chillax all throughout.

So anyway, I went to TriNoma right after the exam [despite my mother's warning/plea not to go there alone, I must say] to get a new iPod since my old one gave out on me last week. I was pretty much in despair over the demise of one of my favorite gadgets ever--I get so attached to them as much as I get attached to Franco, believe me--and I think that convinced Mama to let me buy a new one.

I opted to get a second generation nano [those which come in anodized aluminum casing and fruity colors] rather than a third generation model since practically the only difference is video support which I really do not need. I mean, what satisfaction would I get watching videos in a screen that small? Besides, the 4GB model of the current model only comes in silver and I've been lusting for a blue iPod ever since the mini came out and only the second gen comes in blue. So there. And the best thing is that decision saved me four grand! Whee!

To congratulate myself for that, I finally (!) got a copy of Endless Nights. Okay, okay, so I did spend some of the money I saved from the nano. Sue me.

I'm ever so glad I brought my laptop with me and that I made a backup of all the songs in my old iPod. So now I have all my old tunes back, and then some. And I'm listening to them even as I type here. I am so happy.Ü

home

Talk about [almost] instant gratification. I was just whining about not finding a hooded dress just before going to sleep earlier and now I have one. Haha. Saw it at the department store earlier and just fell in love with the damn thing. Fortunately for me, Mama liked it too [she's a big advocate of my recent turning-into-a-real-girl movement] and bought it. And some chocolates for me and Aiah too. Yum.Ü

Anywho, I'm so glad I came home before the exam. Just seeing my family eased up some of my fears. It's funny, I never appreciated my family this much before. Physical distance sometimes really does wonders for family bonds. Only now do I realize how much I really love my family.

lazy sunday

Painted my eight small toenails silver [platinum silver rather, at least according to the label] and let the two big ones remain violet. So now my feet look like the manifestation of an identity crisis. Pretty striking, though not necessarily pretty since my feet look like ginger roots in the first place. Haha. Whatever.

Anywho, Jebb and Badong spent pretty much the whole day here with John and me. It's nice being one of the guys again just like the old days, you know, just horsing around and pretty much just being complete asses and all.

And we ate a lot. Badong and I made chocolate hotcakes late in the afternoon, just about an hour or so after eating a hearty lunch. It wouldn't win any awards, but it tasted alright and we had a blast in the process, playing with the consistency of the batter and the shape of the hotcake itself.

For dinner, I reheated the remains of the adobo we had for lunch and then added some things here and there to have more sabaw. To my relief, it came out alright and Jebb even commented that it tasted really good. Seems I don't suck in the kitchen as much as I thought I did, thank God.

By the way, Mama left sometime before we ate lunch. But we went grocery shopping before she left. So now I've a more than full stock of all the things I could ever need for the coming weeks or so. She really is the best.

mother-daughter bonding

I am so happy with the way the day turned out. Mama came here and brought home-cooked adobo [yum!] with her. The we went to Trinoma after I chatted with Franco.

We each bought a skirt at Nafnaf. On a whim I decided to change into that skirt on the spot, and so I roamed the mall wearing that skirt instead of the shorts I came in with. We had fun looking at all the shoes [especially the stiletto heels] at Celine, ResToeRun, Crossings, Schu, Shoe Salon, Nine West and Zara. I'd so love to buy a pair or two if I had the money, but then the prices are as high as the heels themselves. Ouch. My only consolation is that I have practically nothing to wear them with anyway, considering the present state of my wardrobe which is dominated by black shirts and jeans.

But that's not really enough to get me down since I do love window shopping anyway. I saw a lot of cool stuff--and Endless Nights was still there at Planet X Comics, thank God. Besides, it's not like I went home empty-handed either. I somehow also managed to persuade Mama to buy me that uber-cute yellow--yes, yellow! not black--hoodie at TRF and a couple scents from Bench. And yes, a bottle of Body Shop's Satsuma Shower Gel since mine is almost empty.

Afterwards, we ate at Sbarro and I had my super favorite Chicago White deep dish pizza. And yeah, we also found a coupla collared white shirts for the board exams. All in all, I was happy as the proverbial clam.

It was a good bonding experience for the two of us even if our feet got sore from all that walking we did at the mall. We got to talk about a lot of things, and generally just chill out together. I'd love to have another mother-daughter bonding like this again.

*gasps* i'm a girl...?!

I want a dress. Yes, a dress. A real, honest-to-goodness, girly-girl kind of dress. Nothing pink though. Haha. But I still want a dress. Fuck.

rare happy time

Right now I'm happy. Why? Because:

• It's raining outside, I'm all alone in our room and listening to Hoobastank's The Reason, and I just finished my last Munch Mallows snack.
• I ran in the rain all the way here from the computer shop since I didn't have an umbrella with me. And it feels good. I miss running and playing in the rain with my cousins.
• Franco and I got to chat a little earlier, just before he went to sleep. It's sweet that he takes the time out to go online and chat with me [instead of spending that time resting or sleeping] even if he's really tired from work. God, I really love that guy!
• Us housemates had a good lunch together earlier and the cheerful vibe stayed with me up to now.
• The Reason has finished and Lauryn Hill's Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You remake is now playing and I'm reminded yet again of Franco.

Times like these are pretty rare for me. I'm glad I get to have them at all, negative person that I am. Thank God for small favors.Ü

ang bilis talaga ng panahon, ano?

So. October na. One month and one day na lang at board exam na. Ampucha. Ambilis talaga ng panahon. Parang kakasimula lang ng review kanina, tas ngayon coaching na. Whooo!

Speaking of coaching, nakakalugaw ng utak yung coaching namin kahapon ah. Mantakin mo, 4 folders yun na me tig-200 items bawat folder. Kelangan mabasa, maintindihan at masaulo mo lahat in just four friggin' hours! Pang-halimaw eh. Kainaman. Pero ako naman eh tamang reklamo lang. As usual. Basa rin naman. Hehe. Nagkasilbi ang mabilis kong pagbabasa. Sabi na nga ga at magagamit ko rin yun balang araw eh... Haha.

Mejo kakatapos lang namin mag-lunch kani-kanina sa bahay. Kanin tas me gulay sila [hindi ako nakain ng gulay] tas porkchop-dapat-pero-kinatapusan-ay-naging-adobo-na-masarap-naman. Ayus ang kain habang me background music pa at masaya ang kwentuhan at tawanan. Isa sa maraming masasayang moments sa bahay.

true-blue, proud Batangueña

"Balisong, otherwise known as a butterfly knife or a Batangas knife, is a folding pocket knife with two handles counter-rotating around the tang such that, when closed, the blade is concealed within grooves in the handles. In the hands of a trained user, the knife blade can be brought to bear quickly using one hand. Manipulations, called flipping, are performed for art or amusement."
--Wikipedia

It sounds really stupid--my being a true-blue, proud Batangueña and all--that I only got myself one of these today. Yes, today, after more than twenty-one years of walking God's green earth. Tsk.

WARNING: mushy!

Looking for a certain magazine earlier, I instead ran across one of my old journals, the one I had back in senior high school through freshman college. Reading it now after all this time, I'm amused at how bitchy or mushy I sounded even back then. Seems my attitude hasn't changed as much as I thought it has after all, thank God.

The early entries were mostly about my ex since the journal was started right after we broke up. I won't name him here, but if you know know me, you'll be able to figure out who he is. Though it was plainly written there in my own penmanship, it kinda amazed me to think that I used to be that in love with him. No offense to him, but the truth is the intensity of what I felt for him--and I really thought at that time that I couldn't possibly love any more than that--considerably pales in comparison to what I felt and still feel for Franco. Just goes to show, statements like I can never love someone this much ever again are but bullshit because the fact of the matter is I loved again, and even deeper at that.

Not suprisingly, most of the later entries were all about Franco, why he's the greatest guy to ever walk God's green earth, and how I love him so. I couldn't stop smiling as I went through article after mushy article detailing the things we used to do, the long conversations, petty fights and everything else in between. The happiness, exhilaration, contentment, paranoia and the thousand other emotions I went through because of that single guy. Memories I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I just fell in love with him all over again after reading those words, I swear.

Up to now I still get amazed when I think of how far we've come despite the trials that came our way. Who would have thought we'd still get together after completely severing our friendship and losing touch for nearly two years? Yet we did, and I still thank God for it everytime I think of us.

Whether or not this would end up somewhere, I'll always be thankful that I've been given a chance to know and experience a love such as this. While I never thought myself capable of emotions this intense, through him I was proven wrong. It seems I am human after all.

adik!

Okay, so I already have a bit of a headache from sitting in front of computers for practically the whole day. Yeah, so I'm an addict. So what? Fuck. And I'm even posting something as nonsensical as this. A-fucking-ddict.

taking baby steps

I just made a Flickr account for some of my works. There are only five pictures in my public gallery right now. But I'm working on it.

sexy lady on my phone

Had a Gmask wrap done for my XDA II mini at Gateway Mall a couple of weeks ago. And I'm rather satisfied. Coolness. Take a look:

Mama

I find it quite ironic that Mama and I become closer when I move away, to the boarding house last year and to Manila earlier this year. I don't how it happened but somehow it became easier to talk to her about anything, from my relationship with Franco to the things I want in life. Even she opened up to me, talking about her problems and telling little anecdotes about work and such.

Mama is quite a revelation. Though I've known her all my life, I never appreciated her this much before. Here is a woman who went through a hard life with nary a complaint, patiently taking in every blow life deals and rising gracefully from each one. Though from a poor family, she managed to rise above that and make something of herself, even as she worked to help out her family.

Even as a child, she had to work for her school allowance, embroidering well into the night by the meager light of a kerosene lamp. But this did not deter her in any way, or distract her from her studies, as she always graduated with honors. A truly mean feat for someone so young.

She also passed the CPA licensure exam. I remember Papa Jun [my father's brother-in-law] telling me how much he admires her intellect, being a CPA himself, as well as her determination. He also mentioned that for the oath-taking ceremony, he and Mama Mencing [his wife] had to lend her money for a dress to wear. Inay Po [my maternal grandmother] also had no money to go to Manila and so Mama had to go to the ceremony by herself. I remember feeling really sorry for her then for spending such an important occasion all alone. All this I learned from Papa Jun since Mama never mentioned it.

Growing up as she did, she learned the value of hard work early on, which she carries up to now and applies to everything she does. She is one of the most industrious persons I have ever known. Also one of the most helpful. A lot of people could attest to this, especially her former students back when she was teaching college, although I'm probably the one who benefited the most. I swear I wouldn't be living this easy life if she did not do half the stuff she did and continues doing for me.

For my part, understanding her better, I'm now more yielding to her strict ways. Though far from being the perfect daughter I ought to be, I am nevertheless striving to make her life easier through my own little ways. It's the least I can do, for a more-than-deserving mother that she is. I love her.

not guilty

I admit it. Shameful as it sounds, I haven't been studying all that much when I should have been. In fact I've barely cracked any reference or review book at all these past few weeks. Bad thing. Especially now that we're but a hairbreadth away from the board exam. But I'm sticking to what Sir Woodrow told us the other day, that is not to feel guilty if you know what you're doing since it would just add to the pressure and backfire on you. So I'm not making too big a deal out of my slacking off.

How I manage to answer even half the stuff in the RES's correctly is still a wonder to me. But it gives me hope just the same, since it means I could answer a lot more if I studied. I mean, really studied. I keep holding on to that thought. All I need now is to actually study. God help me.

becoming a girl again

Once again I'm struck by how much I'm changing. I think I'm finally reaching out to embrace my long-lost feminine side or something like that, anti-kikay that I am. It begins with my preference for clothes.

When Franco was still here, he used to urge me to wear skirts when we get together. I think it started with that. Though I still stuck mostly to jeans, I became open to the idea of wearing skirts.

But wearing skirts when you're practically living in your jeans takes some getting used to, and then some. For starters, they don't really go all that well with my beloved Chucks so I had to look for footwear to match them girly skirts. Enter the trusty flipflops.

Now, I have rather sensitive feet which easily get callouses when the material of the footwear I'm donning rubs too much. That is precisely the reason why I'm partial to Chucks in the first place, since I can wear socks with them and thus protect my feet. I've made some misjudgments before about some footwear I bought and learned rather hard lessons in the form of callouses, and in some cases, even wounds.

So far the most comfortable open footwear I have are my trusty Skechers which I bought with Franco. Next in line are the Planet and Sandugo flipflops. The Dickies flipflops, however much I like them, I cannot wear for long periods since they hurt my feet. Hopefully the Grendhas I bought earlier wouldn't have the same effect.

That's about it for now about clothes. Suffice it to say I'm still in the process of fully embracing femininity in all its glossed and stilletoed glory. Whether I actually get there or not remains to be seen though.

Next stop, reading materials. Even I surprised myself with the number of fashion magazines I bought these last two months. And the funny thing is I'm actually getting some ideas from them. My current addiction to eBay, for example, wouldn't be if I hadn't read about it in Chalk. The trends and makeup are a whole another story though, as I have yet to conquer my fear of wearing a painted face and uber-feminine threads, although I actually love stilleto heels [I fondly call them hooker heels] and--quite shockingly--can walk just fine in them without toppling over.

Years from now, I might actually find myself wearing a dress and killer stilletos, my hair perfectly coiffed and my face completely made up, with an uber-chic clutch bag completing the whole Cosmo-girl getup. I might, and maybe I might not. Who knows? Right now the thought just scares me. I'm sticking to jeans and flipflops, thank you very much. Well, for now at least.

mall therapy

I hate to say this but shopping really is therapy for me. Even if it burns a painful hole on my pocket. The thrill of a new acquisition does a pretty effective job of dispelling the blues away.

Anywho, I was at Trinoma earlier. I went after chatting with Franco. That in itself did wonders to alleviate my depression but I also needed to buy some stuff so I went anyway. Aside from the groceries, I also got myself a cute coin purse [which I actually use as a cellphone case] from Comic Alley and a pair of Grendha sandals from Shoe Salon.

The sandals were uber-cool. I've been wanting them since I saw several at Gateway last week, so I grabbed the opportunity and bought myself a pair earlier. It was a tough decision though, since I also saw a copy of Endless Nights [volume 11 of the Sandman series which I'm collecting] at Planet X Comics. But then I reasoned [to myself] that the sandals would be more useful, besides which, I doubt Endless Nights would be gone by the time I come across some extra moolah again. I also consulted some friends and it was a unanimous decision that I should get the sandals first.

On a completely unrelated note, I saw John and Michelle of the Be Bench Model Search. They're both good-looking as expected. I had a blast tormenting my guy roommates about seeing her in the flesh since they all have have massive crushes on her. Haha.

In Memoriam. Farewell, Daddy Jimmy.

I find myself prone to bouts of depression these past few days. Out of the blue, the gloom would just settle over me and I'd be apathetic for the rest of the day. I still laugh at jokes my roommates would crack, or if something funny happens, but after that I'm back to being sullen.

Maybe it has something to do with going back to Batangas last Sunday for Ktle's father's wake. Daddy passed away last Friday, sometime before lunch. He's a good man, and Ketty and I treat him as our own father too, and so we came back to pay our last respects last Sunday. It was really hard for us--I can't imagine what it's lie for Ktle since it's her father, and they were really close. The only good thing [using good relatively, for lack of better term] is that Daddy's suffering has come to an end. He's been sick for more than a year and now he's already resting. God bless his good soul.

good old radio

I just rediscovered the simple joy of listening to the radio. After years of being plugged into my Wlkman and then my Discman and then my iPod, I have grown accustomed to having the music I want to listen to literally at my fingertips. All I have to do is select the song I want to hear and voila! I hear it playing. Though I always have the shuffle function turned on. the only songs I ever hear playing are those stored in the memory, no matter how random the order may be.

The radio on the other hand is about unpredictable sound trips. You never know what you're gonna get. Okay, so maybe the DJ's do have some sort of playlist where they get their particular mix of songs to play. But you're still pretty much at their mercy. Unless it's an all-request program, you most likely have to still wait for your favorite song to play--that is, if the DJ would decide to play it in the first place. Otherwise you're stuck with an eclectic mix of songs, some of which you'll like and others which could potentially just annoy you no end. Either way, you have no control, save for the freedom to switch to another station should the DJ's incessant chatter get to your nerves.

Which I must say isn't entirely a bad thing. At the very least, you might actually find a new song you'll like. Cliched as it is, the possibilities are endless. Randomness ain't so bad after all.

Looks like my iPod would be getting it much needed rest after all this time...

gift

"All fiction is a process of imagining: whatever you write, in whatever genre or medium, your task is to make things up convincingly and interestingly and new."
--Neil Gaiman

Like what I said before, Neil Gaiman is a bloody genius. Just finished another one of his novels, Anansi Boys. Vintage Gaiman, with lots of twists and the intricate interweaving of fiction and reality, myth and folklore. How he comes up with the ideas for his books and spins them all into cohesive stories is truly a gift handed over personally by God himself. Hands down.

charades!

Things have just wound down here in our room after several hours of our playing charades. It really was quite fun, and a good learning experience to since we used technical terms as our subject. A good bonding between us all, I must say. Ü

frugal clotheshorse

So I bought another pair of pants from eBay. This time, a pair of Diesel capris for six hundred and sixty bucks, including shipping. Yeah, so it's secondhand. But it's still a good deal considering it's in excellent condition. Just how much does a brand-new pair cost anyway? Thousands, for sure. So there you go.

But then again why am I justifying my purchase to you who's reading this? It's not as if I have to answer to anybody since it's my money I'm spending after all, and besides I'll be the one wearing those clothes anyway. Whatever.

I guess it's because I used to feel squeamish too at the thought of buying a stranger's clothes. And not just clothes, but as oftentimes is the case with eBay products, used clothes. Who wouldn't cringe at that? Especially when you're used to buying brand-spanking-new clothes.

But with the spreading fad of finding and buying fashionable clothes at the humble ukay-ukay, I just couldn't resist the urge to see for myself. I was curious as the proverbial cat. I mean, even [some] models and celebrities swear by them and they have really fab clothes so maybe there's something to it after all. And eBay is more or less an online version of that, although you can also find a lot of new items--some even with tags still--at a much lower price than if you buy them at malls. A shopping haven indeed for the budget-conscious who want to look stylish nonetheless.

Okay, so you got me there. I do have a certain sense of style [black shirt and jeans, anyone?] no matter how much I want to deny it, so sue me. But even I get tired of my own look sometimes that's why I'm reaching out and trying to find new pieces to add some diversity to my otherwise monotonous wardrobe. And seeing as I'm not exactly made of money, I have to look for affordable alternatives--most of which could only be found in someone else's closet. Like what they always say: One man's trash is another man's treasure. And that, I think, is the working principle behind ukay-ukays and eBay.

buhay review pix

moments sa bahay


mawawala ga naman ang inuman?


the PERCian bugoys


view mula sa rooftop

sweet! Ü

This is something of a rarity with me but I'm actually happy with the way this day turned out. First of all, I had a nice long sleep and only woke up at noon. Then I had a rather plain, nevertheless quite satisfying lunch of plain rice and canned sausages. Took a bath shortly after that and hung around a bit before heading to iPlay to chat with Franco.

To my delight, he turned up online and we were able to have a nice conversation. I told him I'm planning to audition for PBB season 3 just for kicks. Knowing me, he was more concerned if I could last out the long lines than anything else. You just gotta hand it to the guy. Haha.

There was really nothing that remarkable about the rest of the day, except that I was finally able to crack a book and actually study. I'm happy about that since for once I was able to overcome my laziness and do something worthwhile.

Ooh, and I have a new addiction [damn you Glen!]--Reese's Pieces. I just love love love sweets. Ü

LITANIYA ng ECE 521 Batch 2007 [by robert leynes]

Upang makatanggap tayo ng "DIVINE" intervention,
ating usalin ang litaniyang ito.

Sa mga oras na ika'y nalulungkot,
alalahanin ang mga sandaling
ika'y nauutot.

Sa jeep.
Sa classroom.
Sa library.
Sa CK.
Sa Lobby ng CEAFA Building.
Sa Canteen.
Sa Smartlab.
Habang naglalakad palabas ng GCH.
Sa tricycle.
At sa gitna ng mataong lugar.

Nawa'y ang utot mo ay mamalaging misteryo at maamoy.

Sa mga oras na gusto mong mag-senti,
alalahanin ang mga taong nakapalibot saiyo,
nung ikaw as estudyante ng ECE.

Mga Instructors,
naawa ba kayo sa amin?
Mga Instructors na naawa,
Salamat sa inyo.
Mga Instructors na walang awa,
Sumalangit nawa.
Mga lolang nagtitinda ng kakanin,
Ang mahal ng saging.
Mga janitor,
ang baho ng cr ng lalaki
Mga magxexerox,
Pengeng leakage
Mga Leakage,
Paxerox ang mga susunod na batch
Juyjuy,
Wag madamot sa leakage
A.I.,
Ikaw na nga ang friend nina Ferdie at Tony
Ericson Dimaunahan,
Nuno ng katalinuhan
Ericson Dimaunahan,
Pangulong ewan (hahahaha)
Ericson Dimaunahan,
Kay Jasper,
nabigong maging number one.
Ericson Dimaunahan,
Sa Buendia nagbe-burger.
Ericson Dimaunahan,
Ang sarap mong saktan.
Ericson Dimaunahan,
Wag ka nang lumaban.
Neil at James,twinti lang
Bobonessa Carlton,
Lubayan mo kami.
Chorvaness Wu,
Ang gwapo mo.

Para sa kababaihan ng ECE 521

Rowena delos Santos,
Maawa ka kay Eman
Kenuie de Torres,
Nang-nenok ka na naman.
Analiza Belen,
Kay Rex, ihingi mo kami ng kaputian.
May Alcones,
Chesterrific!
Karen Sangalang,
Forever ka nang MS. BSU.
Keneith Gualberto,
Smile naman jan.
Jenie Matira,
Walang maliit na hindi nakakapuwing.
Ivy Ramos,
Pa-sleep ulit sa house n'yo
Meliza Caguimbal,
Mamaya pa ang uwian
Anela Lualhati,
Hmm Hmm Hmm
Nathalie Atienza,
Mag-pink ka naman..
Lhen Leslie Casas,
Kayo pa ba ni Papa P?
Analyn Dimaano,
Analyn! Analyn! Analyn! Sino un?
Allen Dimaano,
Prettier.
Jho Ann Mercado,
Una unahan lang yan.
Michele Ramos,
Uhm...

Para sa mga lalaki

Rex Bathan,
Have you MET?
Richard Tacla,
Uhm....
Gerald Manalo,
Ang mga may jowa na, lubayan
Badong Odeste,
Lurker na walang kaparis
Jan Jan Pamilara,
Katabaan, balang araw makakamtan.
Noel Fortunado,
Katabaan.
Chester Cusi,
Supremong walang katapat.
Ariel Magyawe,
Pakilala mo samin si Joan.
Michael Gutierrez,
Tara mag-inuman.
Michael Bascuguin,
Yari ka!
Raymond Dimaano,
Paayos ng project namin.
Edison Perez,
Salamat sa venue ng inuman.
Franco De Torres,
Katangkaran.
Otep Panganiban,
Kabaliktaran.
Emmanuel Manalo,
Lubayan ka ng malas!
Robert Leynes,
Kumokorni ka na.
Milbert Deomampo,
Kabastusan, ika'y lubayan.
Mannie Fajardo,
Shaggy, ikaw ba yan?
Emil Caasi,
Ang drawing ay pagigihan.
Larry John Ruiz,
Nagjojoke din paminsan-minsan.
Glen Candava,
Tama na muna ang pagjojowa.
John Mendoza,
Bakla.
Joriel,
Baklang Bakla.
Von Carlo Morete,
Type ng mga bakla.
Francis Dela Pena,
May friend na bakla.
Tartar Binx,
Reyna ng mga bakla.
Ericson Dimaunahan,
Wala lang. Aba, over ka na.

Para sa ating lahat
Ma'am Marcelo,
Maawa Ka sa amin.
Bagong examiners,
Maawa Kayo sa amin.
PERC,ERA at EXCEL,
Tulungan mo kaming pumasa.
Upang kami'y makabawi sa lahat ng kamalasang aming dinanas.

Sabay- sabay tayo:

Ang chenelyn ay patuloy na makekemer kemerloung mga sheberli, bagamit nachochorva ni atashiang mga kipay at nutring ng evilness.Wit tayo magpapa-lucy torres kahit na nakaka-Lucrecia Kasilagang mga hafenings..

Etchos.

***pangkalokohang akda ni ROBERT LEYNES***

-------------

What a laugh. I really have to commend Robert for this one. You really outdid yourself tol. Kudos!

of books and hair

It's almost two in the morning, my hair's reasonably dry, and outside it's raining. It would have been a perfect setting for sleeping my ass off like my roommates. Yet I'm still awake.

Earlier I bought a Haruki Murakami book when I dropped by National Bookstore after going grocery shopping. We decided to have spaghetti for dinner [for the first time in several weeks] so I had to go out and buy the ingredients. Not quite keen on going home yet after that, I went to NBS first to look for this month's issue of T3. Unfortunately, the blasted magazine still isn't out [Ed Geronia, anong petsa na?] so I went looking for interesting books instead.

Now, I've seen some of Murakami's books at another store before and I found my curiosity piqued. Besides, I saw in marie claire that Sam Oh loved his work as well as Neil Gaiman's and I figured if he could rank up there with Gaiman then his work is definitely worth a look at the very least. So I chose one, called The Elephant Vanishes, and even got a 20% discount to my pleasant suprise.

It's a collection of stories rather than a whole novel and I've read but a couple or so. And so far its magic hasn't worked on me yet. Maybe it's my high expectations for it or something, but the stories somehow left me hanging dry. But then again there are still about a dozen I haven't read yet, and maybe I'll find what I'm looking for there. I reckon maybe I should have opted for a novel instead of the rather disjointed stories.

Anywho, the spaghetti was not the only reason I went to the supermarket. Lately my hair's been falling off at a rather alarming rate and I knew I had to do something before I wake up one day with all my beloved hair gone so I went ahead and bought Sunsilk's complete Hair Fall Solution system. Yeah, all three of them. Cost me plenty too. Now, I never was one to make a fuss out of my hair as much as I love it--like hell, I haven't run a comb through it in months--but seeing all those long strands everywhere just sent me to a panic.

I love my hair, I really do. I've never had it this long before, reaching down almost to my waist, and it's actually a childhood dream come true for me since I've wanted long hair as far as I could remember but never had the guts to before [Mama wanted me to keep my hair shoulder-length or shorter]. And it's been left relatively untreated except for a hot oil treatment ages ago and a DIY dye job in which I colored it blue-black but instead it ended up getting lighter rather than darker so now it's brown with a slight reddish tinge. To my relief it didn't get damaged by that bang-up job and I have no plans to do it again anytime soon.

But the point is my hair's pretty important to my well-being that's why I'm going the extra mile to keep it nice and healthy. I could totally understand Say [of PBB season 1] when she cried while getting her long hair cut inside the house even though half the nation thought she was making a big fuss out of nothing. Long hair must never be counted as insignificant since after all, attaining and maintaining it is no easy task.

It took me a pretty long time [read: years and years] to grow it out to this length, and keeping it from getting all tangled up and everything is another story altogether. Though some really go all out with treatments and such, I've so far managed with just shampoo and my fingers and the rare occasion when I feel industrious enough to use a conditioner. My hair's not perfect, mind you, but in the very least it doesn't look like strands of wire and lets me pass off as a normal human being instead of a witch. Just for that it deserves a nice treatment or two, unfortunately I have neither the time nor the money to go to a salon so I settled for the HFS which cost me a pretty penny nevertheless. Oh well. It had better be worth it.

incurable addiction

I admit it. I'm addicted to a lot of stuff--fortunately enough though, none of them drugs. Good food, good music, good stories. In short, the good things in life. I'm a self-confessed hedonist, proud and true.

I love books, always have, ever since I was a kid. From illustrated fairy tales to the ubiquitous Sweet Valley series to Sidney Sheldon and John Grisham and Philipin Margolin to the fantastical works of J. K. Rowling and Anne Rice and Neil Giaman. I am not merely a wide reader. What I am, rather, is a wild reader.

This is not to say though, that i devour every book I lay my hands on. If that had been the case, maybe I would have graduated with honors at every educational level I went through. Sadly enough, textbooks never held my attention for long, save for those literature books which contained the stories which I love so much.

I realize now that it is the fantasy, the intellectual journey I make each time I read, which really got me hooked into reading. Which is why I read mostly fiction, whether they be about made-up people or otherworldly creatures. In a sense, I like the way the authors make me feel stupid with each twist of the plot, and the amazement when at times I manage to predict the outcome of the story. There's nothing quite like the rush a good read gives me. It's the deep satisfaction of knowing I partook in something so great that for a moment or two, I lose all sense of reality and all its complications. Simply wonderful.

And it doesn't hurt either that I sometimes learn from them too. Not mathematical formulas or laws of science, but more importantly, lessons which helped mold me into who I am today. Would I have learned to appreciate my nocturnal nature if not for Lestat and his coven of Beloveds? I was only truly able to grasp the concept of Carpe Diem after reading Paolo Coelho's Veronika Decides To Die. That same book opened my mind to a lot of new things and made me the tolerant confidante to all my friends' predilactions, no matter how unorthodox they may be. And would I be so accepting of people's diverse personalities and various quirks if not the twisted characters the aforementioned authors, most notably Gaiman, introduced to me through their books?

But the most important thing I learned from reading is to believe. Really believe. That anything can happen, as I myself have proven, for reason or reasons which aren't always apparent at the beginning and which only reveal themselves with time. And that it is ultimately our choices that chart the course of our lives, especially if we believe enough to have faith in our own decisions.

wala lang

Mariel Rodriguez is just the cutest thing. I honestly don't know anyone else who could look so darn cute when she's about to cry. Haha. No, I'm no lesbo. I just find her really crazy and cute. She'd make a great Kawaii Girl in Mad Mad Fun.

Anywho, got the results of the pre-board yesterday. Not surprisingly, none of us five passed. But then again, out of the thousand or so who took the exams, only a handful passed. Like, a dozen at most. So I don't feel too bad about it.

BTW, T3 still isn't out in the newsstands. Why is that so? I'm darn impatient to get my grimy paws on the latest issue, not that I have any idea what the gadgets in it are. Whatever. I'm still a gadget freak at heart, there's no denying that. Yeah, even if I can't afford the stuff I'm lusting after. Haha.

tamaritis

So. My weeklong stay at home turned out to be more of a vacation than I originally intended it to be. I honestly did not get any studying done at all. Hell, I never even got the chance to open my noes. What a waste.

gross

It's almost 4 in the morning and here I am still wide awake and doing something completely unmentionable here. Nah, don't get any bright ideas. If you really must know--and I reckon you don't, I just want to really gross you out, haha!--I'm sitting on the great white throne getting rid of my bodily wastes. Sleep always evades me, most especially at night, but add to that an upset stomach and you got yourself a veritable reason for unwilingly pulling an all-nighter. Darn.

To think I'd be travelling back to Manila in a few short hours. I'd probably be dead tired again and sleep on the goddamn bus five minutes into boarding it. Not a good thing at all since the last time it happened I very nearly slept my way through my intended destination. I woke up exactly as the bus was pulling to a stop at the FX terminal. If I'd woken up even just ten seconds later, I would have been on the way to the bus terminal and forced to commute via jeepney with a heavy bag to boot [not that I consider it beneath me to ride a jeep, but I really would prefer to ride an airconditioned FX when I'm hot and sweaty from carrying a heavy bag--I'm sure you would too]. Talk about a close call.

So, back to the present. By this time I'm pretty much, ahem, relieved and currently lying sideways on the bed next to Inay Po and typing away here. I really should be going to sleep now. Hopefully Mister Sandman would be merciful and visit me any moment now. Hope you got as far as here despite being grossed out by the first paragraph. Harhar. Till next time. And a good morning to you too.

kabaklaan.. ahahay!

Sinetch itechiwa?

I heard that last week at the new game show, 1 vs. 100. The phrase just stuck to my mind. In case you've been living in some distant cave or something and don't know what the phrase means, it's Who's this? in gay lingo.

Speaking of gay lingo--geez how redundant is that?--practically everyone I know is using it. You must have read at least one of the spreading text messages of children's songs painstakingly translated to--you guessed it--gay lingo. Honestly. The things people think up of today. Tsk.

Anywho, my week-long vacation is almost over. The refresher would start on Monday so I'm going back to Manila on Sunday. I'm still undecided if I should bring my laptop with me though. On one hand, I'll need it if I don't want to go to computer shops to chat with Franco. On the other, it won't really be of much use other than that. Tsk. Whatever. I guess I'll just decide later.

bitin!

Asar. Bitin ako sa Claymore. Yun ang hirap sa ongoing series. Mabibitin ka talaga. Ang masama nito eh dun pa kung saan gumaganda ang istorya naputol. Tsk.

Kung tutuusin, napaka-typical ng plot. Hindi nga namamatay yung bida [si Clare] kahit halos lahat na ng mga kasamahan nyang Claymore--ultimong yung pinakamalalakas--ay napatay na ng kalaban. At habang tumatagal ang laban ay lalo siya lumalakas. Ayun. Simpleng simple. Pero gusto ko pa rin panoorin, paki nyo? Hehe. Gusto ko malaman kung tataas pa siya ng ranggo kahit pasaway siya at kung makakalaban at matatalo nya si Priscilla, yung Awakened Being na pumatay ke Teresa na siyang dahilan kaya siya nagdesisyon maging Claymore. Basta.

Ayan, me bago na naman ako kinaaadikan. Ayoko na. Tsk.

katakawan

Gusto ko pa ng siomai. Patatawarin. Ang takaw ko talaga. Haha.

depressed again

Right now I'm feeling restless, depressed, morbid, lethargic and apathetic. So many emotions, not one of them any good. Fuck. I so hate times like this. Even more so since I really should be studying for tomorrow's Electronics pre-board exam. Shit.

I don't even know why I'm feeling this way. It's like there's a pall of gloom hanging about me all day, which I just couldn't quite shake off. And it successfully ruined my day. Fucker. I really hate this..

depressed

I miss him. In less than a month, he would have been gone for a year. The time we're apart is now officially longer than the time we were together. Isn't that just sad?

His birthday's next week. And as expected, we won't be celebrating it together. Maybe I'll call him. That's about the best I could do short of hopping on the next plane to go visit him. I wish it were that easy.

I really really miss him. It's pretty depressing thinking how far away he is from me. Patience never was one of my stronger points and the fact that I'm still holding on to our relationship never ceases to amaze me whenever I think about it. I guess I just really love him that much..

long lost sister

I'm so happy I met Patrisha. I feel like I really have a sister now. And it's so cool that we're so much alike. Who would have thought the seven-year age gap between us wouldn't matter?

It's great that we were able to text all the way into the morning this weekend, much as we used to back in summer when she could stay up as late as she wants since it was vacation time. And yeah, that's another common trait between us, our nocturnal body clock. So far she's the most hardcore insomniac I've met, and to think she's so young too. Hands down to you Sis.

We were talking earlier about meeting up, something we're both looking forward to. If things go as planned and her family goes to Batangas for Christmas break, we really might be able to meet finally. I can't wait to see this girl I've been sharing stories, rants, raves, secrets, dreams and aspirations with all these time.

pure genius!

Just finished reading Neverwhere. Neil Gaiman is a friggin' genius. I am so becoming a big fan.

I totally love his work on the Sandman series even if I had read but three out of its eleven volumes. And then I read this. It literally rocked me to my core. The way his mind works is just sick--forging plausible connections between things and people which have nothing to do with the other.. How can I explain it? I am out of words to express the magic he creates with his stories.

Neil Gaiman is truly a genius, hands down. That we share the same birthday is just the coolest thing. Maybe that's why I get his stories, beyond the gory details and dark humor. Whatever. The bottomline is I love his work. Plain and simple.

gastadora

So. Last day na ng review kanina. Pre-board na sa Thursday. Katakot. Sa dinami-dami ng naging exam namin eh iisa lng ipinasa ko. Ang hirap kaya ng exams, konti lang lagi napasa. Pero ayus lang. Magaling na kesa wala. Babawi na talaga ako sa refresher. As in.

Nga pala, kakatuwa. Naaadik ako sa eBay. Hehe. Nakabili ako ng pantalon for only Php167.50. Okay, so me dagdag pang Php100 for shipping. But it's still a bargain considering ang mamahal ng mga pantalon ngayon. Tsaka ang cute kaya nun pants, natuwa talaga ko, tas tamang size ko pa. Sana nga lang magkasya nga pag andito na. Hehe. Maya pa o bukas idadating eh.

Yun isa ko naman nabili eh hooded jacket, Php199. Sayang pa yun Php80 na para sa shipping kaya tagpuin ko na lang yung seller bukas sa SM North. Hehe.

Naisip ko lang, andami ko pala nabiling damit ngayong linggong to. Yun ngang dalawa sa eBay, tas yung tatlo sa ukay-ukay. Kamusta naman daw yun? At least di naman sobrang laki ng nagastos ko, puro bargain nga eh. Hehe.

Speaking of gastos, nalagasan din nga pala ko kanina nun napunta kami Quiapo nina Badong. Me nabili akong dalawang DVD. Oo, pirated. Hello? Quiapo kaya yun. Hehe.

Ayoko na. Puro na lang ako gastos. Tama na talaga.

peste!

Fuck. Ang duga talaga ng Smart. Nakakainis. Nagload ako ng 30 kanina para me pang-Internet ako ng 1.5 hours. Ginamit ko ung 1 oras dun before dinner, nagtira ako ng Php10 para gamitin ngayong madaling araw para i-check kung nanalo ako sa bidding sa eBay. Nagtanong pa nga ako ng balance eh, andun pa nga yung tira, sakto para sa kalahating oras ng pagsusurf.

Tas ngayong gagamitin ko na eh di na ko maka-connect. Pag-check ko ng balance, ampucha, ubos na load ko! Tangina, sayang yung sampung piso na yun! Di ko man lang nagamit. Tiningnan ko pa nga sa log ko kung me natext ako o kung anuman, pero wala talaga. Basta na lang nilamon ng bwakanang Smart yan ang load ko. Peste. Nakakainis talaga. Kuh.

Di ko tuloy malaman ngayon kung me nakadagit pa nung pantalong gusto ko bilhin o kung napanalunan ko na nga sa bidding. Sa umaga ko pa malalaman, pagkaload pa ulit sa lintek ng Smart na yan. Kakainis talaga. Tsk.

bag shopping!

Well. It's almost 5 am. Why am I not suprised I'm still up? Oh well. At least I have a valid reason for pulling an all-nighter this time. I just finished revising our blasted thesis. Which, I must mention, I had to revise again [redundant as that sounds] since the work I did before was lost when my PC was nuked. Damn fucker.

So anywho, not everything's gloom and doom. I went to SM yesterday after fixing my laptop at CK to meet up with Mama, Tita Ed and Bonens. And we went bag shopping, quite unintentionally I must say. Since my laptop bag's strap was about to give, I decided to look for a new bag, preferably a backpack. And I found just the perfect one at The Travel Club. It's black, padded, and fits my laptop to a tee. I couldn't have asked for anything more, although a big discount would have helped. No such luck though.

It must have been one of The Travel Club's luckier days since Mama also found a bag she liked and I saw this really cute shoulder bag. So that makes three purchases. Add to that the other two that my cousin also bought. That makes five bags all in all.

Okay, okay, so that was rather excessive of us to shell out that much for bags which we don't really need [well, except for the laptop bag]. I can admit that much. But hey, shopping's fun. Even if it burns a rather painful hole in the pocket.

loss

I'm depressed. My laptop just got nuked. Practically everything's gone. Yeah, even my video and sound cards are shot. I have find and download the drivers myself, and I'm not even sure where to find them.

But those are nothing really compared to the files I lost. I feel as if I lost a limb. My journal gone, just like that. And the pictures. Damn. Where would I find those pictures now that they're in digital oblivion? God, I feel like crying right now, except that that would only worsen my colds.

Stupid stupid me. Why did I never bother to back up my files? So so so stupid.